Spring Cleaning Phase One: The Purge

It's that time of year when we free ourselves of trash and clutter. Before you venture into that closet or the garage, start with your friends. This year I will be doing the purge. No one needs friends who aren't pulling their weight. You certainly don't need false acquaintances. 

Free your gigabytes

Send out individual text messages to everyone in your contacts list. If you don't receive a response in an hour, delete the contact. You may choose to be more flexible in your response time limit. But if the person isn't responding, you're not friends. You may also have the wrong number. But if you don't have their new number, again, you're not friends. 

Privatize your social media

You have all the friends you need on Facebook. In fact, you probably have too many. Post a message on Facebook informing your friends of the purge. Then, by the end of the day, wipe out anyone who has not spoken to you in the last 6 months. You don't need looky-loos or passengers on your plane. You certainly don't need thirsty potentials stalking you either. After you purge your page, change your privacy settings to disallow any further friend requests. 

Reel in the line

Don't be so open to make new friends. This means, every person that shares common interests does not deserve to be referred to as a friend. Some people need to stay on that "acquaintance" status. Limit your friends to those who expressly wish you well, support you when you're on the right track, defend you when you're under attack, show concern when you're hurt, and inspire greatness. 

You will hurt some people's feelings. You will piss people off. But this is about reducing access to your positive life force. This is less about building walls and isolation and more about building a stronger you. People will take whatever they can grab from you. Including your light. Purge the negative and make room for the positive. 

Why Ignoring People Never Works

Someone did or said something that pissed you off. You don't want to say something you can't take back so you stop talking to them. They keep talking to you but you refuse to acknowledge them. Some time later you bring up why you're still mad and they look at you like you're speaking Swahili. Now you're angrier and ignore them even harder. Sound familiar?

Ignoring people is a passive aggressive way to manipulate a person. You want someone to start or stop doing something but they deny your request. Ignoring the person is supposed to use their desire to interact with you as a bargaining chip to get what you want. But it doesn't work. Here's why. 

They never really liked you

You can't use someone's desire to interact with you as a bargaining chip when they already don't give two shits about you. In fact, whatever they're doing or not doing to piss you off might have been intentional to begin with. Which means they have successfully manipulated you, but you're mad by yourself. 

They have no idea that you're mad

Most people get mad then immediately ignore. This means the person you're mad at has no idea. If they don't know you're mad, they don't know what they did wrong and therefore won't care. This leaves you bitter, ignoring someone who hasn't figured that out yet. 

They don't care that you're mad

Don't be so quick to assume they are the problem rather than you. You might be a very petty person who simply cannot handle the truth. Why would they care that you're mad?

You're preventing progress

How can a person right a wrong if you're not allowing them the opportunity to correct their mistake? If you don't want them to make it right, then why play this game?

Better solution

If someone makes you mad, tell them. Ignoring them is okay if you need time to pull yourself together. But don't let more than a week pass before you communicate your feelings. Too much time breeds indifference. 

Give that person a chance to make things right. Allow them to apologize. Allow them access to you to speak with you and work it out. 

Don't play games. If you don't want to let them correct their mistake, tell them. The dumbest pettiest thing you can do is stay friends with someone on Facebook with whom you no longer wish to speak. You'll make yourself look ridiculous to the person you're ignoring, as well as your other friends and family. Being unreasonable and illogical makes you look unstable. 

Get over it and let it go, work it out if you can, or end the relationship and move on. 

"Epiphany, celebrated in European countries, marks the coming of the wise men who brought gifts to the Christ Child. Epiphany is also called Little Christmas on the Twelfth Night, and is celebrated twelve nights after Christmas. People from all of the world celebrate Epiphany by exchanging gifts and feasting. A very popular custom that is still celebrated is the making of the “King’s Cake” which represents the three kings who brought gifts. A plastic baby is baked inside the King Cake, and the tradition is whoever receives the baby in their piece of cake must buy the next King Cake or throw the next party. King Cakes are made of a cinnamon filled dough in the shape of a hollow circle. The cake is topped with a delicious glazed topping and then sprinkled with colored sugar. The three colors of the sugar are Purple (representing Justice), Green (representing Faith) and Gold (representing Power). Today the King Cakes are baked with a wide assortment of fillings inside the cake. King Cake is the preferred dessert and snack in New Orleans during Mardi Gras. Hundreds of thousands of King Cakes are eaten in New Orleans during the Carnival season."

-Mardisgrasday.com

(The following recipe is completely non-organic)

Mardi Gras King Cake Recipe

TOTAL TIME: Prep: 40 min. + rising Bake: 20 min. + cooling

YIELD: 24 servings (2 cakes)

Ingredients

• 1 package (1/4 ounce) active dry yeast
• 1/2 cup warm water (110° to 115°)
• 1/2 cup warm milk (110° to 115°)
• 1/3 cup shortening
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 egg
• 4 to 4-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 cans (12-1/2 ounces each) almond cake and pastry filling
• GLAZE:
• 3 cups confectioners' sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3 to 4 tablespoons water
• Purple, green and gold colored sugar

Directions

• 1. In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Add the milk, shortening, sugar, salt, egg and 2 cups flour. Beat on medium speed for 3 minutes. Beat until smooth. Stir in enough remaining flour to form a soft dough (dough will be sticky).
• 2. Turn onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 6-8 minutes. Place in a greased bowl, turning once to grease top. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 1 hour.
• 3. Punch dough down. Turn onto a lightly floured surface; divide in half. Roll one portion into a 16-in. x 10-in. rectangle. Spread almond filling to within 1/2 in. of edges. Roll up jelly-roll style, starting with a long side; pinch seam to seal. Place seam side down on a greased baking sheet; pinch ends together to form a ring. Repeat with remaining dough and filling. Cover and let rise until doubled, about 1 hour.
• 4. Bake at 375° for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on a wire rack. For glaze, combine the confectioners' sugar, vanilla and enough water to achieve desired consistency. Spread over cooled cakes. Sprinkle with colored sugars. Push the plastic baby into the cake from the bottom. WARN YOUR GUESTS that there is one inside. Yield: 2 cakes (12 servings each).

Nutritional Facts

If you have to ask, you shouldn't be eating it. 

 

 

Asparagus Soup

I wanted a lighter, healthier version of Aspargus soup than what I found online. The all used a ton of butter and cream which tastes delicious but was unnecessary. As always, my recipes use all organic ingredients unless otherwise noted. 

Ingredients

1lb asparagus (1 bunch of thin asparagus, no more than 2 lbs). 

3 cups chicken broth

1/4 cup of whipping cream

1 tbsp of butter

2 tsp corn starch dissolved in 1/2 cup of water

Directions

Chop asparagus, discard tough ends, reserve 12-16 tips for garnish. 

Melt butter in a 5qt pot and sauté asparagus for about 5mins. Stir frequently. 

Do not brown. 

Asparagus should be bright green, tender yet crisp. 

Add chicken broth and boil for about 5 mins more. Spoon off any foam. 

Using your preferred method, purée the soup. (I use a regular blender). 

Optional: strain the soup back into the same pot to catch any stringy pieces. 

Bring the soup to a low boil on medium high heat. 

Stir in. the cornstarch mixture and cream.

Optional: I didn't add salt or pepper to my soup but you can do so at this point. 

For the garnish, I sautéed chopped thick-cut bacon, the leftover asparagus tips, and about 4 sliced mushrooms in a tablespoon of butter. 

Ladle soup into bowls and top with garnish and optional Parmesan cheese. 

AdoreMe Review

Every order arrives in a box and tissue paper.

I have been a customer since 2013. I am reviewing the service and the concept of AdoreMe in this post. For reviews of actual purchases, stay tuned on Instagram for photos and comments.

When I first heard about AdoreMe through Facebook I was leery. Most ads I have clicked on in Facebook have turned out to be scams or genuine companies with poor service. AdoreMe was advertised as a monthly lingerie service with no membership fee. If you are familiar with JustFab.com then you are familiar with this sort of service. I was extremely unhappy with JustFab.com (all stripper shoes, no class), so I wasn't too excited about AdoreMe. The basics are: You can purchase only one set of lingerie at a time and have no commitment. Or, you can become a VIP. As a VIP you are required to make a purchase every month. But that was supposed to come with some perks. You are given a discount, you can skip a month, and you get access to special gifts that non-VIP users are not offered.

The deciding factors for my first purchase were the fact that all of the bras and panties came as a matching set. I hate mismatched lingerie. I also liked the free shipping on orders and returns. In 2013, the first order came in a nice box and every order thereafter came in a pack envelope. I didn't like that but whatever keeps the cost down. In 2014, every order came in a box. It's petty, but it really makes receiving lingerie in the mail nice.

Rosalind - Would you pay $39.95 for this shirt?

The prices weren't bad either. When I joined as a VIP in 2013, the non-VIP price was $39.95 per set. The VIP price was $29.95 per set. By January of 2014, non-VIP was $49.95 per set, and VIP was $39.95 per set. That was a drawback for me but I still enjoyed the matching sets. Based on the prices at Victoria's Secret and Frederick's of Hollywood, this is still comparable. However, there are times when the prices are ridiculous. There are short robes for $49.95, Pantyhose for $39.95, and an AdoreMe sleepshirt for $39.95. Remember Macklemore? "Yo, that's $50 for a t-shirt." But if you purchase 5 items, you get one free. This is not, place five orders, this is five items. You can earn a free set on your first purchase like I did. They attempted to change this feature a few months ago and switch to a points system. They made a wise decision to switch back. I use my free set to purchase items like the sleep shirts and robes and costumes. Anything that I feel is ridiculously overpriced, I use my free set on.

I liked the VIP perks. There were IPhone covers, lingerie bags, masks, and free panties that supposedly only VIP customers had access to. My friend is not a VIP customer and received all of the same gifts I did. Dishonest and disappointing.

I am a woman who replaces her lingerie every six months like clockwork. I am a large busted woman. My figure is often described as a figure 8. My bra size was always out of stock at the mall. When I first joined AdoreMe, my size 38FF was always in stock. That is no longer the case. I lost some weight over the last 6-8 months. I am now down to a 38DD. This has made things worse. Apparently, all AdoreMe customers are 38DD. So my size is rarely in stock. When your size is rarely in stock in the style you want, it's easier to choose not to purchase anything at all. This is disappointing because their style collection is actually better than what you see in the mall. But I kept my membership because I regularly replace my lingerie, keeping the subscription makes this easier.

Matilda - fits great, bursts open easily.

The sleepwear is high quality. On the months where the bra and panty sets are not available in my size, I order sleepwear. But there is a problem. AdoreMe is inclusive of full figured women. The sleepwear fits everywhere except the bust. I am literally bursting out of some of the sleepwear. This is not a size issue but a "heavy breast" issue. Lace babydolls collapse under my breasts. Button front tops burst open without warning. But they are very, very comfortable. Aside from the poor quality of the lace, my pajamas from 2013 are as new as the day I bought them. If only they sold shoes to go with the pajamas. 

Initially, I loved that AdoreMe had a great selection of plus size lingerie. In fact, the same lingerie for the A cup woman was available for the II cup woman. That has not changed. There is no size shaming by only making styles available to smaller women. However, depending on the style, the bras and the pajamas cannot hold up the weight of a larger busted woman. Larger breasts aren't just bigger, they're heavier. I have found that their lace is not well suited for busty women. Nothing made of lace is for anyone above a C cup. The lace lingerie easily tears and bursts at the seams, even in the correct size. Corsets and corset top bras have acrylic boning which collapses and digs into your skin. I have several black bruises from my corset tops. Needless to say, I don't purchase them anymore.

Then there is the customer service. I have a serious issue with customer service. If you don't make a purchase by the 5th of every month, as a VIP, your bank account will be charged. They don't tell you that this has happened or send an alert that your deadline to make a purchase is expiring. So, for months I was receiving emails telling me that I had a store credit. But what was really happening is that I was shopping the day after the deadline and being issued store credit for the $49.95 that had been charged to my account. I let the store credit role over thinking it was just a free credit in appreciation for my business. On average I spent $150 per order. When I finally used my store credit, I realized, I was spending my own money. I also noticed unauthorized charges to my account. True it was only a penny or a dollar, but an unauthorized charge is an unauthorized charge. The service rep says that they do this to verify my account is still open so they can charge it again. But I have never received those pennies or dollars back. That adds up. I have since switched my account over to another card and reverse any unauthorized charges, even if it is a penny. The reps are not polite when you call. They seem irritated that you are calling them in the first place. However, if you call and ask for style advice, they are quite pleasant. If you attempt to review their products on their Facebook page and they don't like your review, they will harass you by email and not post your response.

Overall, I would keep my subscription to AdoreMe because of the following: the prices are still better than the mall, the styles are unique and better than the mall, my size is available more often than not, I will always have a matching set, my 6th set is free, and I can cancel at anytime. But if another company provides the same with better customer service, I will dump AdoreMe with the quickness. There is no one else out there that can compete...yet.

For photos and individual lingerie reviews follow me on Instagram.

Valentine's Day Weekend With No Sitter

Valentine's day is on a Saturday. This not only means you are more inclined to romance but also it means that your sitter is also planning a hot and steamy night. Your children are not invited to either event. Those are the breaks when you become a parent. Here's what my family and I have planned. Maybe you can come up with your own version of our plan to still get the best out of your night. 

The Night Before

Lucky for you, Valentine's day is after Friday the 13th. This date is an unofficial holiday for horror fans like my family. We will be spending the night having a horror movie marathon complete with chocolate, skull shaped lava cakes, with cherry filling. My children are awesome little troopers who happen to love Edgar Allan Poe. So their bedtime story will be The Tell Tale Heart. If we don't find any horror movies we want to see, we will make it a "bloody valentine" night by filling our water guns with red, Crayola, washable paint and water mix and letting off some steam. If it's too cold, which it may be, we will gather around the fireplace and tell ghost stories. Everyone gets a chance to tell a scary story.

The Day 

My husband has Valentine's day off from work. My children will already be at a friend's house that day because of a combination of karate, boy scouts and school projects that are due that Monday. My husband and I will take advantage of that free time and celebrate during the day as if it were the night. We're having lunch instead of dinner, plenty of roses and wine, and maybe some romance before he has to go pick up the kids. Celebrating during the day, may not be your cup of tea, but it will certainly prove the old adage to be true. Foreplay can last all day.

The Night

There are four of us in our family, not including the dog. We will be exchanging valentines, candy and one gift per person. It will be a lot like Christmas in February. A big rich dinner sure to give the kids "itis", and send them to bed early. This is when all of that foreplay pays off. Once the kids are out cold, close all the bedroom doors and turn up the heat. Break out the lingerie and Valentine's day playlist. Don't forget the candle wax and more wine.

7 Men Who Should've Been Mr. Grey

50 Shades of Grey hits theaters February 13, 2015. It is based on a book that awakened the sex drives of millions of housewives whom have apparently never read a book by Zane. I was largely unimpressed with the trilogy but was interested in seeing Charlie Hunnam play Mr. Grey. But when that dream was shattered , they replaced him, and I was once again unimpressed. Here are seven actors that would have brought me to the theaters to see Mr. Grey. 

Jon Hamm

This, to me, was the most obvious choice from day one. His years as Don Draper should have been convincing enough. Perhaps he didn't want to be the sexy man in the suit anymore. But I certainly would have purchased tickets in advance to see him do it one more time. 

Shemar Moore

Rumor has it that men turned down the role of Mr. Grey because they didn't want to be type-cast as the sex symbol. But here is an actor that hasn't seemed to suffer from his sex symbol status. From soap operas to crime dramas and even a  Madea movie, he never disappoints. The only disappointment is his absence from the role of Mr. Grey. 

Sasha Roiz

Admit it, he is one of the main reasons you tune in to watch Grimm on Friday nights. With his chiseled body, deep voice, and dangerous glare, he is the embodiment of tall, dark, and handsome.  

Ryan Hurst

He will always go down in history as the only death on Sons of Anarchy that brought viewers to tears. The great thing about making movies from books is taking artistic license to change a few details. Who says Mr. Grey can't have a groomed beard and long hair?

Jason Mamoa

Those eyes, that voice, that body, nothing more needs to be said. Game of Thrones fans know he is no stranger to passion. Red Road fans are waiting for him to demonstrate more of that passion this spring. With a shave and a hair cut, he would have breathed red hot fire into Mr. Grey. 

Morris Chestnut

Always a winner in a suit, he would have had no trouble filling Mr. Grey's shoes. He's charming, stoic, fit, and oh so lickable. 

David Giuntoli

While reading 50 Shades of Grey, there were moments I pictured him as Mr. Grey. His presence is so unassuming that he could easily be the professional by day, freak by night commonly known as Mr. Grey. These last two seasons of Grimm have certainly reinforced that fantasy.