Zodiac at a Glance: Cancer

Cancer

Born between June 21and July 22

Cusp

Being born on the cusp means you were born on June 21 or July 22nd. You may embody some of the preceding or succeeding signs. Gemini / Cancer cusp may make you more moody than other Cancers. Cancer / Leo cusp may make you more self-centered or heightening your need to nurture or parent.

The Good

Cancers are great at keeping secrets, yours as well as their own. They are loyal to you, especially in public, even when you are wrong because they are very image conscious. They are protective of themselves, partners and family. They are very sympathetic and make the perfect shoulder to cry on. They are wonderfully supportive parents who put their children first. They have a healthy sexual appetite that may include being both submissive and dominant. Female Cancers make great allies as they will protect and support you by manipulating and destroying your enemies. The enemy of their friend is their enemy. Female Cancers also make great mothers and housewives. All Cancers are creative and emotionally connected to those around them. You will never feel alone with a Cancer.

The Bad

Although loyal, an unhappy Cancer will cheat on you. They don't like to be alone and will therefore set up the next relationship before leaving the one they're in. They will remain in bad relationships because to them, it's better than being alone. They are so secretive they will lie even when they don't need to do so. They keep clear lines drawn between friends, family and lovers because they don't want anyone talking or comparing notes. They are controlling, manipulative and territorial. Because they want to keep secrets, and keep you to themselves, and don't want to be alone. They are the most conniving of the zodiac as there is no lie they won't tell.

Cancers are also extremely lazy. They must be constantly motivated and gently coaxed into getting the job done. They must be convinced it was their idea all along. This laziness is what makes female Cancers great parents and housewives as they would rather stay home with the children than go to work. However, this makes Cancer fathers irresponsible. They expect the woman to care for the children and often check out of the parenting task altogether. Cancers hold grudges which causes moodiness. They hold everything inside, causing surprise fights over previously resolved issues.

Best Match

Capricorn - Equally manipulative, strong sense of family, secretive and responsible, image conscious.

Pisces - Equally manipulative, image conscious, spiritually and emotionally in tune.

3 Things White Parents of Mixed Race Children Should Know

Before I get into the tips, I need to make a clarification. This post isn't just about white parents of mixed race children, it is also for parents of children whom are a different race than themselves. There are some generalizations that I will make based on my own personal experiences. In the interest of simplicity, I may speak on this as if they are the norm. I welcome any opposition to my statements, but again, bear in mind that I am generalizing for the sake of simplicity.

The reason for this post is that I have received many emails and direct messages from mostly white mothers and fathers asking an array of great questions. I will do my best to address those concerns in a limited blog. For those who are wondering, I am a mixed race woman, who also has mixed race children.



What's in a name?

Many white women have asked me, what is the big deal with the name of a child of mixed race? There seems to be an uproar no matter what the child is named. Here is a starting point. Don't go uber-ethnic. A part black child does not have to have a name that ends in -esha. A part Mexican child need not be named Raquel or Maria or Lourdes. Also, do your best to refrain from names that call attention to their race. Children named Mariah and Aaliyah are branded, sight unseen, as a mixed race child with a white parent. You don't want your child to be defined by their race so don't choose their names based on it. And, for the love of all things holy, refrain from names like Cinnamon, Honey, or any other names that use food to refer to your child's skin color. Follow the majority of the population and name your child something that has meaning to you, after a family member, song, something from a baby name book etc.

Hairy Debate

Must every Asian child be given the "China doll" haircut? Must every black child have braids? I have always preferred to wait until the child is at least in first grade before cutting the hair into a style. By this point the child has developed a preference and may have demonstrated a preference for bangs, braids, buns etc. There are some cultural factors that must be considered. Haircuts go against the cultural norm of black, Hispanic, Indian, and Native American households. There are exceptions, typically pertaining to boys. If your child is any one of the aforementioned races, do all you can to refrain from cutting their hair until they are old enough to tell you what they prefer. Always remember that hair is an important part of cultural identity. A long-haired Native American boy is presumed to be living a traditional lifestyle. A black female child who's curly hair is dry and has been cut off sends the signal that they are raised by a non-black parent who is out of touch with black culture, or was too lazy to learn how to do their child's hair. A study once proved that cutting the hair of an Indian, black, or Native American child can cause emotional trauma. No matter the race, the care of your child's hair should be less about your convenience and more about their identity. Don't be afraid to hunt down a black salon or to converse with the parents of another child that is the same race as your own. One of the most notable lessons I have learned from my followers is that men are more open to learning how to care for their child's hair than women. A man will take classes and do whatever is necessary to learn whereas a woman will simply cut the hair off. Part of the reason is men are expected not to know how to do hair in the first place thus making the learning experience positive and pressure-free. Women are expected to know how to do hair already, adding tremendous pressure and fear of failure to the learning experience.

Assimilation

It is a part of human nature to assimilate. In an effort to ensure our survival we attempt to become one with or associate with a group so that we are not isolated. If your child is mixed race but does not appear to be a different race than you, you are less likely to experience identity issues related to race. People will accept that this is your child and race will rarely become a topic around them. This does however, uncover racist undertones in your friends and family. If people think that everyone in their group is the same race, they feel comfortable enough to say stereotypical or bigoted things about some other race. If your child is a part of that race, you will have an issue. If your mixed race child is visibly a  different race than you, you almost certainly will have racial identity issues to resolve. People are rude. They will say things to and about your child's hair, skin and race. As with any child being criticized and evaluated can lead to complexes. Even though you are racially indifferent or tolerant, and do all that you can to pass on your child's culture and history as thoroughly as possible, they will still develop a racial identity complex. In that quest to fit in, the child may try to change their hair, skin, accent, behavior to fit in with another race. If most of your circle is white, your half Mexican child may go above and beyond to behave like a stereotypical Mexican. On the other hand your child might also go above and beyond to deny their Mexican heritage.

Take Mariah Carey as an example. For decades she denied her father because she felt she would be more accepted in mainstream music by becoming racially ambiguous. Vin Diesel also chooses to be racially ambiguous to increase the number of acting roles for which he can be considered. Halle Berry goes out of her way to remind us all that she is African American. She rarely refers to herself as a woman. She always stresses that she is an African American woman. Her mother, who raised her, is white. She had a daughter with a white man. The moment he dyed and cut his daughter's hair she shouted racism. She took him to custody court accusing him of trying to cover up the fact that her daughter is African American. In doing so, she completely negated his rights to pass on his own heritage to his own daughter who is only 1/4 African American. Even without the change in her appearance, the child appears to be white rather than black or mixed race. She is very young, but may already be choosing to identify more with her father's race rather than her mother's. Consider that her maternal grandmother, stepfather, father, and paternal grandparents are all white. She now lives in France with her mother and stepfather. She is surrounded by white culture. It is highly probable that she is choosing to identify with the race with which she is most familiar. Having a mother with a racial complex could be counterproductive. She has gone out of her way to declare on behalf of her daughter, that she too is African American and that will be her identity. This overcompensation is another sign that Halle Berry had racial identity issues growing up.

There is nothing you can do to prevent overcompensation or assimilation, as you cannot control the actions or comments of every person who comes in contact with her child. You can however, pay close attention to how your child is feeling. If your circle of friends makes your child uncomfortable, find out the reason. You may be oblivious to the insensitivities of others. Supplement your child's education. If your child is Native American and there is no mention of your child's tribe in their school books, teach them. Connect your child with those who can provide cultural support. Don't take offense if your child feels more at home with one race of people than another. This doesn't change their love for you. Just remember to provide your child with unbiased information and above all, provide unconditional love.

White Salons Vs. Black Salons: There is a difference

At face value, this post may seem racist, stereotypical or may be categorized as a "race baiting" post. But in actuality, the difference between a black salon and a white salon is very significant. There are many reasons other than race that black women will not patronize a white salon.

First, we must understand the reason for the rift. In colonial, plantation days, black women had to know how to care for the hair of their white slave masters as well as their own. With the husbands of these women raping slaves, this brought about biracial children with yet another hair texture different than that of their African parent. As a result, when salons were invented, black cosmetologists were the most universal. They could do their own hair as well as that of many different textures. Before the invention of the electric curling iron, all races used what I have always known to be called Marcel irons. There is a scene in the 1994 version of Little Women where one sister isn't paying attention and the Marcel iron takes her hair right off. One had to be skilled enough to know how long to leave the iron in the heat for use with different hair types to prevent such a disaster. Chemical treatments were also very different. Some hair textures would respond to a permanent wave and others would fall out. Some hair textures could handle a relaxer and others would fall out. The same was true of hair color. An immense amount of chemistry and experimentation went into developing the world of cosmetology into what it is today. So how did it become so divided?

Salons became a viable business during a time when segregation was alive and thriving in our country. This meant that white cosmetologists no longer learned to work with hair textures outside of their own. This limited them to what is generally known to be white, Asian, Latino, and Native American hair textures, should they choose to service those other races. Black salons were focused on the almighty dollar. Any woman who entered her salon was going to leave with a beautiful style. This fact carried over to cosmetology school. Schools in the south as well as schools in areas where blacks make up a majority of the population have a requirement that the students learn and pass tests for all hair types. Schools in areas such as California and Florida for example have this as an option. Which is why, to this day, anyone can walk into a black salon and receive satisfactory service but only those with hair texture similar to that of whites can be serviced in a white salon. But there are other differences.

1. The Atmosphere - When you walk into a white salon, the music is always loud. Products available for purchase are front and center and often times, each stylist's chair can be seen from the street. In black culture, beauty secrets are kept secret. Extensions and braids are usually in a private room or at least at the back of the salon. No one on the street is privy to the magic. There may be music but not so loud that it is the first thing you hear when you walk into the salon. This causes the dreaded "I just walked into the wrong room" effect. Everyone can hear you walk in and you will be seen before you see the receptionist. No harm is intended but it can be off-putting if you're not expecting it.

2. The Stylist - As I stated before, not all stylists chose, or were required to learn all hair types. As a black person in a white salon, you search for a black stylist or someone who knows that your hair is coarse like Oprah's not silky like Mariah's. When a white person says with a smile that they can do your type of hair, you often have to make that distinction. You have to look to see if they have electric irons or Marcel irons. If they wet your hair before they cut it, you have to get up and leave because they have clearly misrepresented their knowledge. This means, you may have to travel miles to find a salon for you. Luckily, Asian and Latino salons know black hair. I am unclear as to why. Many black women will teach their white stylist how to do their 4c coarse hair. God bless these women as I do not have the desire nor the patience. But they are opening doors for the rest of us.

3. Weave - Up until recent years, if you walked into a white salon and asked for a weave, you got a color treatment. If you walked into a black salon, you received extensions. In some salons this is still the case. It is best to specify hair extensions rather than weave when in a non-black salon to be safe.

4. Perm - Again, until recent years, a perm was a chemical treatment that made your hair curly in white salons and straight in black salons. Be clear when you walk in. A white person in a black salon will need to specify a relaxer as curly perms can be used on their hair. A black person in a black salon can simply ask for a perm as this can only mean relaxer. A black person in a white salon would have to specify a relaxer as one may think of a curly perm, especially if the client's hair is already straightened. 

5. Texturizer - In a white salon, texture refers to cutting the hair into layers. In a black salon, this refers to a chemical curl relaxing treatment intended for men and women with very short hair.

6. Virgin hair - in a white salon, this means chemical-free hair. In a black salon, this means chemical and heat-free hair. Heat treated hair will eventually become trained and will respond differently to heat and chemicals.

7. Blow out - In white salons, this is a very damaging process where heat is applied on top of a chemical treatment to straighten the hair. Few if any black salons will ever do this process commonly known as the Brazilian blowout. The damage to the hair is irreversible. But understand that white salons are new to the idea of chemical straightening. Black salons have been doing this since the first chemical treatment was invented by Madame C. J. Walker. No matter your race or texture, seek assistance in a black salon for permanent straightening treatments. In a black salon you will learn that the alternative to a relaxer is a blow out. There are two types, one uses a high heat blow dryer for a soft pressed look. The other uses a chemical curl relaxer. This straightens the hair, but not to the point of silky flatness.  

Now that I have highlighted the differences, let's talk about the universal truths.

1. Appointments - Keep them, no matter how kind or understanding your stylist may be, an empty chair means no money. When you miss your appointment, the stylist has to find a way to make up that money by taking in another client. In a white salon this can be easy only at times as there is plenty of foot traffic, depending on the location. But for a black salon, where their business is built on reputation, there are few if any walk-ins.

2. Hair Lengths - Black women tend to exaggerate their hair length while white women tend to understate it. Use this universal rule of thumb. Short hair stops at the ears. Medium hair stops at the shoulders. Long hair goes beyond. Do not stretch your hair to determine length.

3. Hair textures - With the natural revolution hitting all races, women have been placing themselves as close to the coarse end of the spectrum as possible. At one point in history, this was the opposite. Hair textures are on a scale of 1-4 with letters a-c. If your hair is straight, you are a 1. If your hair is wavy you are a 2. If your hair is curly you are a 3 and if your hair is tightly curled you are a 4. Even the 4 has levels. Coarse hair like Whoopi Goldberg or Rudy Huxtable (pre-relaxer) is a 4c. If your hair does not resemble this texture, do not tell your stylist you have coarse hair. This fact changes everything when it comes to chemicals, heat, and time.

4. Virgin hair - As stated above, depending on the salon, it can mean chemical and heat-free. However, with the natural revolution, women are claiming virgin hair because they no longer color or relax their hair. This is false. Unless you have shaved your head, your hair is not virgin or natural. You must completely remove any chemical treatments for your hair it to be considered virgin. The only way to do this is to cut it off. Your newly grown hair is virgin as it is untouched by heat or chemicals.

5. Trained hair - Natural hair that is regularly styled using heat such as a blow dryer or curlers for example, will become trained. This means, it requires less heat to style it. If your hair is heat styled it is no longer virgin. Tell your stylist this when making the appointment. This changes the amount of time needed to style your hair. It can be shorter if you are seeking to have it straightened or longer if you are seeking to return to your natural texture.

6. Price Checking - Never complain about the price of doing your hair. If someone else can do the same quality of work cheaper go to them. Stylists are self-employed. If you don't like their business, go elsewhere.

7. Spread the Word - If you hair looks great tell everyone who did it. This is how stylists make their money. But if you failed to follow their instructions or maintain their work, keep their name out of conversation. This is how you can destroy a reputation.

8. Fix this - A friend of mine was very angry that her regular stylist would not fix the work of another stylist at a vacation resort, who ruined her hair. She felt this was just mean and jealousy at play. This was untrue. Stylists are State Board certified. they are working with chemicals that can kill, injure, or maim a person. They are using sharp scissors and hot tools. Also, working with hair can be a bio-hazard situation. Laying one's comb and scissors down on the station table while testing at the State Board can cause a test failure. So when you come to your stylist with a "mess" on your head, they are assuming responsibility for whatever happens to you or your hair. They were not there the day your hair was ruined. Which means they are relying on your word when they ask you what was done. You may under or overstate what was done. The person who did your hair may have lied to you. Making fixing your hair an impossibility and an insurmountable liability. Never allow your hair to be chemically treated or dyed by anyone other than our regular stylist or someone in the same salon.

Spring Cleaning Phase Three: Home Sweet Home

If you have been participating in all of the phases of the Spring Cleaning Series, then you are probably making great progress. By now, you should have purged as much negativity as possible from your life. You should have at least your first draft of plans for leading a debt free, financially productive life. Now let's take care of home.




Work Schedule

Being a homemaker is a full-time job. You wake up early to make breakfast and prepare the kids for school. You stay up late working overtime for either your spouse or your children. You travel, shop, plan, organize, keep financial records, set appointments, cook and clean. You are an administrative assistant, chef, nanny, advice nurse, accountant, stylist, maid, handyman and more. You should organize your day accordingly.

When you wake up in the morning, consider that as your time to get ready for work. Dress yourself, feed yourself, and prep your mind for your day. Your work day begins the moment you begin to do for someone else. Whether you are starting breakfast or waking up a child, your work day has begun. Within two hours of beginning your day, you are required to take a break. Eat a snack, take a 15 minute walk, watch tv, do whatever you want for yourself and only yourself. Get back to your normal duties for no more than 3 hours. Take your lunch break. Eat, nap, completely relax. Continue about your day the same as you would if you were a full-time employee for someone else. If your spouse is the type to take over for you when he comes home you will be in great spirits by then. I make dinner between 4 and 5pm so that when my husband comes home, my work is done for the evening. Everyone eats, cleans up behind themselves and then crashes. If you aren't able to clock out at 5 or 6pm then take longer or more frequent breaks throughout the day.

Set a true schedule on a planner for yourself. Jot down exactly what you need to do and at what times. You will be less likely to feel down on yourself when you aren't able to accomplish something that day. You can simply reschedule it for another day.

This isn't just a good way to organize your day. It helps to maintain a positive frame of mind. Depression among housewives is very common, especially if the she was once the bread winner.

Delegate

Once your child reaches preschool age, they are ready for age appropriate chores. Preschoolers enrolled in daycare are being taught to put away their toys and nap time blankets. Why can't your child do this at home? My 4 year old makes her bed, picks up her toys, puts away her folded laundry, and dries the dishes. My 8 year old, soon to be 9, washes dishes, wipes the table, maintains his room, washes is own laundry, puts it away, picks out his school clothes, vacuums, sweeps, curbs his dogs, and cleans his bathroom. By delegating age appropriate chores, I am able to focus on other tasks. It becomes less stressful trying to maintain the household. There are less things on my to do list.

The rule of thumb when delegating tasks is to only assign tasks that one can handle. My husband can't cook, so I don't ask him to cook. But he is strong enough to walk both of our beastly dogs at once. So he does. He's tall enough to dust the ceiling fans, water my hanging plants. He also loves to take care of the cars. When I'm too tired to gas up the rig, wash it or sit all day for an oil change, he's excited to do it. So I delegate to him.

Family Time

Don't be lulled into believing that the only way to have family time is around the dinner table or over a board game. My family bonds while watching The Walking Dead. We also don't always bond all at the same time. My son and I bond during grocery trips. He loves math so he gets to calculate our total. He likes to feel like the future man of the house, so lifting heavy items and grabbing what I need off the shelves makes him proud. My daughter and I bond when we bake together in our matching aprons. Find out what your family likes to do and do it. It doesn't always have to be a Cosby Show affair.

Romance

Romance doesn't always mean sex, but it doesn't men no sex either. The only person as important as your child is your spouse. It's easier to neglect the love of your life when you have so much to be accountable for in the first place. So don't put so much pressure on yourself. There doesn't have to be an over-the-top stage performance to maintain the romance in your marriage. As far as sex is concerned, there is always the morning shower, lunchtime liason, or after dinner dessert. If your spouse has any time off available at work, choose a day to use it just for the two of you. Go to a movie. Have a picnic. Make love all day until it's time for the children to come home from school. If your children attend a daycare center, let them stay later. My husband and I maintain the mood daily by "cupcaking". Using affectionate nicknames, sending silly text messages, pinching butt cheeks and stealing kisses. Little seemingly ridiculous acts like these keep us in the mood until we can have time alone together. If that time is a long time coming, we at least get to enjoy each other until then.

Projects

Whether there are home improvement projects or small crafting projects, chances are they are undone and piling up in your home. When you're a crafter or a DIY-er, it can be difficult to resist a sale on items necessary for really cool projects you've seen online. The trick is simple. Remind yourself that the same sale that is happening today, will happen again. Don't start another project until you've completed your current project. You will experience the sensation of accomplishment rather than overwhelming frustration or chaos. I like to set timelines for my projects the same as I would a work assignment. My timeline is based on my expendable income. I budget one project per payment received. So, for the first two weeks of the month I made custom screens for all of my windows and my patio door. This project cost me less than $20 but it was very time consuming since I had other things to do on a daily basis. I also have a lot of windows. The last two weeks of the month are being spent planting my organic garden. Next month is summer dresses and regalia.

When trying to maintain a happy home, think simple. Don't be quick to take on too many tasks or projects. Your role as a homemaker is just as important as the role of the bread winner. Pace yourself with schedules and enlist your family members for help. Only then can they appreciate the weight of what you do daily. Always remember to laugh.

Kids Dinner in 10

So you forgot to thaw dinner and your kids are hungry NOW. Here's a dinner that is ready in 10 minutes. 

After the news about metal showing up in Kraft Macaroni and Cheese products, I sought an alternative and found Back to Nature at Costco. It's creamier and tastes more like restaurant style mac and cheese. 

I combined two boxes and followed the directions on the package. While it cooked, I fried some bacon and crumbled it on top. My kids killed it and still had plenty of time to play before bedtime. 

Disney's Cinderella Review

On Friday, March 13th 2015, Disney released the live action version of it's all time top grossing fairytale, Cinderella. The movie stars Cate Blanchett as the wicked stepmother Lady Tremaine, Helena Bonham Carter as the Fairy Godmother, Richard Madden as Prince Charming, and Lily James as Cinderella.

Before I begin with the details of the review, let me state that this movie was not marketed for children under the age of seven. There have been scores of little girls arriving to theaters in their little Cinderella dresses. Perhaps they were lulled into believing that this film would be as engaging for small children as its predecessor Maleficent. But this film is more for those fans that fell in love with the actual story and less about the children who fell in love with the scenery.

I went into this film with full-fledged enthusiasm. Cinderella is and will always be one of my favorite fairytales of all time. After seeing Maleficent, another of my favorite fairytales, I had hoped this live action film would live up to what Angelina Jolie and Disney brought to the screen. It did not.

Cinderella

We all remember Disney's cartoon Cinderella. She was a natural beauty who's kind nature and beauty were so overwhelming that the wicked stepmother and evil stepsisters did all they could to rid the world of her grace. In this film however, Cinderella was completely underwhelming. I am not judging the beauty of Lily James. I'm judging the performance and the way the character was written. The cartoon Cinderella was never without a sense of self-preservation. At one point, Cinderella breaks down in tears because she just didn't have it in her to keep overlooking the ugliness around her. She attempted to stand up for herself more than once. But in the live action film, Cinderella was a complete and total push over to the point that she instantly became the most annoying character in the film. She was weak and naive rather than good-natured. She was helpless rather than seemingly hopelessly trapped in a bad situation. There was nothing to like about her or to draw me to her at all. I could not identify with her on any level. This hurts the film greatly. Cinderella left so little of an impression upon me, she could have been completely removed from the film and I wouldn't have noticed.

The Wickedness

The cartoon version did a far better job of illustrating the evil nature of the stepmother and her daughters. There were reasons to hate them all. But in this live action film, there wasn't much to hate. There wasn't an abundance of work to do. There wasn't a re-occurring theme of degradation in the interactions between Cinderella and her stepfamily. In fact, There was a very in depth storyline for the stepmother that allowed us all, much like with the movie Maleficent, to understand and therefore take pity upon Lady Tremaine. By the end of the movie, I wanted to know more about the stepmother rather than Cinderella. Perhaps Disney will do an Evil Queen live action series to follow Maleficent. If they do, remember, you read it here first.

Costume Design

This changes everything. Gone are the days of Cinderella weddings with large flowing white gowns and Victorian lines. Her beautiful blue dress was adorned at the shoulders with the birds that once flew around her in the cartoon version. But what I love most about that infamous dress was the way it reminded me of Scarlet O'Hara's red dress in Gone With The Wind. But again, Cinderella was muted in comparison to the wicked stepmother, Lady Tremaine.

There was never a moment when Cate Blanchett's mere onscreen presence did not upstage the title character. It is clear how Ms Blanchett became such a decorated actress in the first place. It would seem the costume designer wanted to remind us all of that by taking extra care when it came to her costumes. Even when her character was at her ugliest, Lady Tremaine's costumes were astronomically more gorgeous than the two most important dresses in the film, both of which belonged to Cinderella.

Let us not forget the fairy godmother. She too had amazing costume design. First appearing onscreen as a haggard old woman, she still had more beautiful clothing that the title character, Cinderella. The make-up was so excellent, I did not recognize Ms. Bonham Carter at all. Once she morphed into the beautiful Fairy Godmother, my attention was once again on her and not the title character. Unfortunately, this was the running theme throughout the film. Prince Charming, the footman, the stepsisters, the other members of royalty, all other characters where far better costumed than Cinderella herself. Perhaps the only negative was Helena Bonham Carter's teeth. She seemed to have difficulty speaking with them. But I am not sure if they were part of the costume or her own teeth. I don't want to make any personal attacks so I won't say much more about her teeth just in case. I will express my disappointment at the attachment of her bottom lashes. It's as if the make-up artist spent so much time making Cate Blanchett beautiful that he or she forgot to line Helena's bottom lids to hide the weft on the false lashes.

Despite the constant overshadowing of the supporting cast's costumes, the star of the wardrobe was certainly that intricately designed glass slipper.  I've never seen a such a gorgeous shoe. Stores everywhere will no doubt stock their shelves with knockoffs. Let the shopping madness begin.

The Cast

First, a nod to the writers and the casting directors who chose to make this a multicultural film without forcing it. If this were a real story, it would be reasonable to assume that an eligible Prince Charming would be met with princesses, queens, duchesses and the sort from kingdoms all around. After all, royal weddings of that day and time were intended to join kingdoms and preserve wealth and build empires. This allowed for many different cultural faces throughout the film. It was refreshing and seamless.

Conclusion

You will notice that I don't have much to say about the story. This is not an oversight. There really isn't anything to be said for the story or the speed of the film. The best part of the film was the race to and from the ball. Outside of that, this movie was completely unimpressive. That being said, if you're in love with the fairytale of Cinderella, you will enjoy this film. If your child is at least old enough to enjoy the storytelling rather than waiting for something to happen, he/she will also enjoy this film. My 4 year old daughter asked to leave and watch Maleficent. My 9 year old son fully enjoyed it. "I liked that the handsome Prince was so rich and got the girl and saved her." He said. There was something about the underdog story that appealed to him. When I pointed out that this was the same mushy, girly fairytale that we watched a cartoon version of, he was shocked. The live action led him to believe it was just a regular romance movie where magical things coincidentally took place. He compared it to Maleficent, which he preferred due to the violence. However, he also said he would watch it again if his sister wanted to do so.

Cinderella and romance enthusiasts will love this movie. Everyone else, will love the costumes, diversity, and nothing more.

Spring Cleaning Phase Two: Restructuring

If you have participated in Spring Cleaning Phase One: The Purge, you have no doubt freed yourself from negative people. You should notice that you are involved in less dramatic confrontations, passive aggressive attacks, and your environment is generally less negative. You may also notice that those whom were banished from your palace have attempted to recruit others to stand against you. Misery loves company. If this is in fact taking place, sit back and let it happen. One of my favorite movies is Elizabeth starring Cate Blanchette. There was a scene where she was presented with evidence of eminent treason, had certain people merely signed the incriminating document. Her response, "Let them sign it. And let it all be done." Needless to say, those who committed the treason ultimately met their demise. I am not encouraging merciless ruthlessness. I am suggesting that if your friends and acquaintances are easily converted by your enemies, let them go. They have in effect, purged themselves.

So, what does that leave you? You may have fully surrounded yourself with worthless derelicts. Purging them all has now left you feeling a little empty and alone. Fear not, for you are merely accustomed to living in a toxic environment. Once you build a nurturing environment for yourself, you will become pleasantly accustomed to being happy.

Restructuring

As with all plans, you must start with a strong foundation or idea. You are ground zero. If you are weak-minded and open to destructive elements, that is exactly the type of environment in which you will live. My best friend of 19 years has a catchphrase she has uttered since the day we met.

"Do not mess with my food, my money, or my sleep."

I always found the list to be comical. What of your family? What of your friends? In asking those questions, I discovered the secret to her success and the reasons for my failures. I was taught that family, friends and loyalty are everything. I soon learned, I couldn't feed myself or pay my bills with people. In fact, those people would likely keep me up at night and cause me to inadvertently negatively impact my own ability to acquire food and money. Let's apply her catchphrase to the logic of restructuring your personal life.

Food

First thing's first, How do your provide for yourself? How do you keep food in your mouth, a roof over your head? Is it welfare, loans, theft? If the answer is anything other than employment, you need to shift your focus here. Why are you on welfare? What are you doing with your 48-60 months of cash aid? Are you lying and concealing information to maintain eligibility? Are you not bothering to seek and maintain gainful employment because it's easier to sit home and collect a check and wait for food stamps? Why? Why is this way of life good enough for you or your family? Why is the idea of working for a living and not having to answer to anyone or lie to maintain eligibility not more alluring than the opposite?

What of those whom are not on welfare? Is pride preventing you from providing for yourself? When it comes to providing the basic necessities for yourself or your family, no job is too small for you. Of course, there are limitations. If your entire paycheck goes to childcare, then that doesn't make economic sense now does it? 

Let's talk child support. So many women beat their chests and wax poetic about not needing a man for anything. Men won't file child support against the mother because of the belief that it makes them less of a man to take money from a woman. Let me pose the following question to these people: Do you file taxes every year? The answer is "yes". The reason is that people want and need the money that the government took from them, which they are indeed entitled to have refunded. So, why would these parents not want to act with the same logic when it comes to claiming their child's child support? This is not about your ego or relationship. This is about the quality of life your child deserves. The same is true of back child support. Many parents get away with not paying their share by waiting out the child's 18th birthday. But did you know, you have the legal right to sue for back child support, even after the child is 18 years old? If the parent passes away, having a court judgment will entitle you to funds from the estate. These funds could help with college, the first apartment, the first grandchild.

What about your bills? Add them up, if they total more than your rent, you need to make some immediate changes. If you receive subsidized rent, calculate this by using the amount of rent you would be paying if you weren't receiving public assistance. Your debt should not exceed 1/3 of your income.

By restructuring the way you provide the necessities in your life, you will find it difficult to remain in your current state of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

Money

On the surface, it may seem like this is the same as "food". For the purposes of this post, "food" refers to your necessities. "Money" refers to your financial goals. What type of career did you want to have before the existence of the catalyst that changed your life? What style of life, comforts did you aspire to have? If you envisioned living in a two-story house with a baby grand piano in the family room, start envisioning what it will take to get there. Goals are not achieved by merely daydreaming. The daydreaming is almost literally the brainstorming of your goals. At some point you have to map out a plan.

You need decent credit to purchase a home. If you have focused on securing your necessities, then you are gainfully employed. Now you need to calculate the necessary amount of income to improve your credit. Focus on small debts first. These are the debts that can be paid off in one to two payments. Do not freak out when your tax returns have been claimed for a debt. This means the debt has been paid. Don't let the debtor off of the hook either. If a debtor has taken your tax returns, demand in writing an immediate update of your credit report. Demand a receipt for payment and verification that the debt has been cleared.

Once you have tackled your credit, calculate the amount of money needed to purchase a typical home that you imagined. How much is a baby grand piano? How much is the furniture that you would place in that home? Start saving aggressively to meet your deadline. If you aren't willing to sacrifice or to put in the necessary amount of work to achieve your goals, then you need to choose new goals.

Sleep

What keeps you up at night? Is it your health, your relationships, your bills? Tackle it immediately. Don't become a passenger on your own plane. Be aggressive with your health. Excuses for why your health is not under control amounts to a shorter life span. Make plans, seek medical assistance through your insurance carrier (that is why they're paid), make active changes. Failure is not an option. You have one life and one body. The same is true of mental health. What others think of your spiritual or mental health beliefs is irrelevant. You live alone inside your own mind. They have no say, therefore, what they say should have no impact on your quest to improve your mental health.

Sometimes, what keeps you up at night are your relationships. So many conflicts can be resolved with simple communication. I have a family member that violated my confidence and told another family member something she shouldn't have. She told some truths but she also told many lies. She created conflict within the family through Facebook. Things got even more out of hand when she attempted to recruit my sister to turn against me. When that didn't work, she got angry and began a tirade against me. When I confronted her, she denied being mad at all before subsequently deleting me from Facebook. This was the immature way to resolve issues. The proper way to deal with her anger was to take advantage of the fact that I came to her in the first place, and to tell me how I upset her. I am a reasonable person. I would have made any necessary changes to maintain that bond we had that was so newly formed. But alas, I am unforgiving. Her opportunity to declare a mea culpa, or to reach a resolution with me has passed. She has proven to be dishonest and untrustworthy and therefore, she is barred from re-entering my life.

Twenty years ago, I would have lost sleep over the situation I just described. I would have lamented the loss of the relationship. I would have felt like a failure for not being able to maintain that bond. I have since matured, and I am now wise enough to know, not everyone deserves a place in your life. Being a related to someone does not entitle them to be a part of your life.


There are many changes one can make to improve their quality of life. Try not to make them all at once. I would advise securing your "food" before all else. Perhaps jumping ahead to securing your "sleep" may be more practical as upsetting relationships can impede your progress. This is also why this Spring Cleaning Series begins with The Purge. Build a stronger, healthier, happier self so that you may "live long and prosper."

The Red Housewife is available to answer reader questions on Twitter @theredhousewife and through email TheRedHousewife@yahoo.com.