Netflix Pix

This week's "watch instantly" picks are all guaranteed to mess with your mind. Some will freak it the heck out. You will never look at Chinese food the same way again. If you have a weak stomach you may want to bypass this week's picks. This is one of my favorite lists of movies. I would love to know what you think of these.

Happy Viewing.


Dumplings

(Gaau ji)

2004 NR 90 minutes

Hoping to hang onto her unfaithful husband (Tony Leung Ka Fai) by looking younger, retired television star Mrs. Lee (Miriam Yeung Chin Wah) eagerly begins eating Aunt Mei's (Ling Bai) famous rejuvenation dumplings, but her increasing appetite for these rare delicacies leads to unsavory complications. Fruit Chan directs this disturbing horror film that features a gruesome look into the dumplings' secret ingredient: human fetuses.







Exam

2008 NR 101 minutes

In this psychological thriller, eight job applicants in a guarded, windowless room are given instruction, exams and 80 minutes to answer one discerning question that may win them a prime position. But they soon discover this is no ordinary test. The exams are blank. With one ejected for attempting to answer the unknown question, the remaining seven must decide what they will do and how far each will go for the coveted job.

The Human Centipede: First Sequence

(Human Centipede)

2009 UR 91 minutes

After their car breaks down while in Germany, Americans Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams) and Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie) wind up at a remote villa -- and soon find themselves trapped in a nightmare. Dr. Josef Heiter (Dieter Laser) kidnaps them for his demented experiment to create a human "centipede." The plan includes removing their kneecaps so they must walk on all fours, then surgically connecting them to a Japanese man to create a bizarre human chain.

The Return

(Vozvrashchenie)

2003 NR 110 minutes

The sudden reappearance of a man (Konstantin Lavronenko) who left his family 12 years earlier stirs up some mixed emotions in the household. His sons know him only from photographs, and while teenage Andrey (Vladimir Garin) is content to accept the unexplained turn of events, his younger brother, Ivan (Ivan Dobronravov), wants answers: Where has the man been all this time, and why is he back? Director Andrey Zvyagintsev's feature film debut.

The Other Man

2008 R 88 minutes

Over dinner, Peter's (Liam Neeson) wife, Lisa (Laura Linney), essentially reveals that she's been cheating on him -- and then disappears the following day. Obsessed with learning the details, Peter tracks down Ralph (Antonio Banderas), Lisa's lover. Believing Ralph doesn't know who he is, Peter plays little games with him in an effort to quell his own despair. Master of human insight Richard Eyre (Notes on a Scandal) crafts this compelling drama.

Tax Do's and Don'ts

It tax season. Time to pay up or be reimbursed. If you hate this time of year then you will probably wait until April 15th to actually do them and mail them. The commercials for tax preparation companies are in full bloom at 10 decibels higher than all the rest. They have lots of that federal green fanned out in your face with Visa prepaid cards to help entice you to use their services. Here are a few tips to keep in mind that may save you from being robbed by both the government and paid tax preparers.

Don't allow your joint tax filings to go into the mail without going through them yourself. You wouldn't sign a contract without reading it would you? This is no different. Tax filings are a declaration of income and an agreement to pay or be reimbursed based upon your declarations. Like all contracts there are penalties for breaches. If you pay too little you have to pay what you owe plus a fine and interest. If you neglect to declare your taxable income you could lose your freedom. The "babe of the woods" or "ditsy wife" routine will do nothing for you here. You need to be knee deep in this part of your finances. You and your husband both are jointly and severely liable for any penalties just as you both are entitled to the return.

Do take your completed tax forms to a living breathing person to have a second look. There is no shame or time wasted in being extra careful. You can go to a place like H&R Block where they basically use the same computer programs that you can buy anywhere else or can use online. My best recommendation is the government itself. Go in January or February to a tax clinic in your area and let their own employees help you with your filing. If anything goes wrong, that employee's job is on the line.

Don't rely solely upon another person or service to find all of your possible deductions or mistakes. They only know what the computer tells them. People make mistakes and will quickly blame you before they lose their jobs or face a huge fine. They won't have to face an audit if they mess up.

Don't pay for software. You can use an online tax service for federal taxes like the ones you see on TV. State tax filings like in California often have their own Internet filing sites. It has all of the same information. The information that the government sends out on paper is input into computer programs and used by tax preparation companies and websites. If you know someone who has paid for it, you may as well borrow it. It's only good for one year anyway.

Do rat out your boss. There is no excuse for an employer not having mailed out your W-2's by now. You can wait until April and file or file now. Whenever you choose to file, if your employer has not given you what you need there is a form to complete that states this fact. You have to use your last pay stub of the year for that information but it can be done.

Don't get tax return loans. This is about as idiotic of a move as signing your joint return without reading it. Tax refunds are just that, refunds. You paid taxes from every paycheck all year long. Now the government is determining if you paid too little, too much, or the right amount. If you have a refund coming, you have paid them too much. So they are refunding your money. When you get a loan on this, you are getting a loan on your own money. You're paying to get your own money back. It's as dumb a move as a payday advance.

Don't get your refund on a prepay card. There are two reasons not to do this. One is there could have been a mistake. You see how much you are getting a refund for and start spending the money in your head. You get so excited all you can do is think about getting the money now. You get it on the card and when the check comes it goes to whomever gave you the card. But what if the government determines you made a mistake? You will have to pay back what you spent if you over calculated your refund. You could also be cheated if the government determines you missed a deduction. Each year I receive an extra refund for a deduction that between me, my husband, the software and a third party, we managed to miss. Do you trust the company you used to tell you there is more money coming your way?

The second reason not to have a prepaid card for your returns is computer errors. As a bank employee I can honestly tell you that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING we can do to get you your money back on the spot if the computer makes a mistake on your transaction. Even if the name of our bank is on the back of your card, we can't help you. Our name on the back means we made the cards, nothing more. Think of it like this. You bank at Wells and go to Chase to use the ATM. The machine processes $200 and gives you $20. You have to file a claim with both Chase and Wells to get your money back. Chase has to process that ATM on schedule, not before, and see how "over" the machine is to make sure you're not lying. Wells has the ability to give credit until your claim is resolved. This could take 30 days in some cases. It's the same thing with the prepaid cards. On top of that you pay a fee when you withdraw from the card. So you are being charged to access your own money.

Do use your refund to pay off any debts, take a vacation, or to reinvest. If you had that money in your hands to begin with, you would have paid bills, taken a vacation or added more to your retirement plan. Do that now. Treat your refund like its just an extra paycheck. It isn't a win from the lottery. Don't use it to make new debts or go all out for material wants rather than to satisfy your needs. Examples would be, using the money to open a CD for your child to save up for private school rather than using it to put a down payment on an Escalade when you live in an apartment with one child and no one else. Or, adding it to an account that has high interest to save for a down payment on a house. The large amount of the check will make higher interest and help you reach your goal faster. Restrain yourself and put it to good use.

Don't cash your refund check. Always deposit it into a federally insured bank. Thieves know you are carrying your refund. There is no insurance on cash. This would be the only time a prepaid card could benefit you. If you have ruined your banking relationships and can no longer bank anywhere then it is better to pay a fee to access your money on an insured card that can be blocked than to carry cash.

Do verify whether or not you have to claim your refund on TANF programs. Some Tribal TANF programs want to know if you got money back because it counts as income for them. Most do not because that one check would instantly make everyone ineligible. This is not the time to double dip. Remember, there are others that need help and you could go to jail.

Ask Red: Laundry Quandry

Dear Red,

No matter what stain remover I use, some stains just won't come out. No matter how fresh the stain is or how vigorously I rub the fabric together I still see shadows of stains. I read your blog about not using bleach. I have to wonder how white are your whites? Do you have shadow stains on your clothes? I need to know what I'm missing because this is costing me time and money.

Chelsea

Dear Chelsea,

I'm glad that you are trying so hard to remain green and inexpensive in your laundering. It sounds like you need to make two adjustments. The first adjustment is how you treat the stain.

First, you have to fully saturate the stain. You may want to lay the garment over a piece of cardboard so there will be no stain transfer. Second you will need more friction on the stain than rubbing the fabric together can cause. By rubbing the fabric together you are merely transferring the stain from one part of the garment to another. Try buying a dish brush, one with a refillable reservoir would be a great option as you can fill it with stain remover. Brush the stain being careful not to harm the fabric. This causes the stain to lift rather than smear. If your formula of stain remover doesn't suds up or foam up you need a new formula. This is a great alternative to waiting 5 minutes after treating the stain.

The second adjustment is the water temperature. My whites stay bright as I wash all of my stained clothes (mostly baby and child organic stains) in cold water and then separate the whites and wash the unstained white item in hot or warm water. No bleach needed. No dryer use in between.

Use the following guide to help you.

Protein Stains- cold water

• Baby food
• Milk
• Baby formula
• Mucous
• Blood
• Cheese sauce
• Mud
• Cream
• Pudding
• Egg
• Urine
• Feces
• Vomit
• Gelatin
• White glue; school paste
• Ice cream

Tannin Stains- hot water

• Alcoholic beverages
• Beer
• Berries
• Coffee
• Cologne
• Felt-tip water color pen or washable ink
• Fruit juice
• Soft drinks
• Tea
• Tomato juice

Oil-based Stains- hot water

• Automotive oil
• Hair oil
• Bacon fat
• Hand lotion
• Butter/margarine
• Lard
• Car door grease
• Mayonnaise
• Collar/cuff greasy rings
• Salad dressing
• Cooking fats and oils
• Suntan oil or lotion
• Face creams

Inks and dyes, if removable are done so with alcohol. Typically, it takes several washes for the stain to release. Don't be surprised if you just have to "wear out" the stain. If you have a garment that cannot be washed in the temperature required to remove the stain then fill a spray bottle with the required temperature and only treat the stain. Don't dry your stained laundry in the dryer if the stain is still present. It will set the stain.



Dear Red,

I use a public laundromat and I don't have money to waste quarters on the dryer. I hate being there all day so I use the big dryers and hope that all my clothes are dry. But they never are. Is there a way to speed this up without going broke?

Tricia

Dear Tricia,

You're playing with a loaded deck at the laundromat. The dryers are not as hot as a home dryer which causes patrons to use them longer by adding more quarters. The ones that are as hot only last about 12 minutes including the cool down which does no one any good. Here is what you do. Don't be so anxious to throw the load straight from the washer to the dryer. Wait for all of your wet laundry and sort them as follows: towels, jeans, linens, everything else. Towels are designed to hold moisture so they make everything else wet. Dry them alone and they are done in half the time. Jeans are made from a heavy cotton that has the same effect as the cotton and polyester in the towels. It takes more heat the dry them both so dividing them allows the maximum amount of heat to be absorbed. Linens like sheets and blankets don't take longer than clothes but they are larger in size. Clothing gets trapped in the linens causing both to stay wet. As you dry your clothes pull out things like lingerie as it becomes dry. This allows everything else more access to the heat. Do this with all of your dryers.

Dirty Red II: Lingerie Questions Answered

There seems to be a trend forming. I have more questions from lost husbands daring to venture into the lingerie boutique. I am honored to answer your questions. Your names are in my vault and your answers are in my blog. Keep your questions coming!

What's a boustier?

Pronounced boost-ee-ay, a bustier (alternately bustiere) is like a corset but its primary purpose is to push up the bust by tightening against the upper midriff and forcing the breasts up, while gently shaping the waist. It is typically worn as a push- up bra under a low-backed dress, or as a camisole for outer wear.



How can I get my beautiful wife to wear sexy lingerie like you have on Facebook? I don't want to spend money on something that won't be worn. She used to spend an hour in Victoria's Secret. Now she won't even look at the store when we pass by. Is it a mommy thing?

Yes, it is a mommy thing. Chances are her baby gave her curves she didn't have before or exaggerated what was already there. As a former Victoria's Secret employee I can honestly tell you that their lingerie was intended for teens and 20 somethings that are an A to a C cup. Full figured women are not likely to find lingerie that compliments them there. In fact. the add campaigns are focused on adding curves where there are none. This is why I prefer places like Frederick's of Hollywood. It focuses on dressing the curves that are already there. If you have one in your neighborhood, you need to take her there.

Your wife sounds like she needs a confidence booster. Try complimenting her every chance you get. For example, take her to Dirty Red and say, "Damn, you would look so hot in that." She will try to deflect. But gently soothe her ego by describing how beautiful she already is and how much more you would be turned on by seeing her in the different styles. Your desire and increased attraction to her in lingerie will equal her confidence in wearing it. But be patient and don't push. When she wears it, even if her muffin top is too much for the lingerie to handle, treat her like she's world's last cupcake. Steer her toward something that fits better by buying it as a gift. Your admiration is the key to her confidence.


What is a Demi Bra?

Demi bras, also known as balconette bras, are half-cup bras with wide-set straps and a straight bust line. Often seamed or boned, they promote cleavage and a frame-like effect. These offer less support but enable low-cut garments to be worn without the bra being seen. Demi bras may be designed to provide lift as do push-up bras. They are not made for support so if your wife is full figured you make sure you buy the bra from a full figure specific boutique or designer.

Rule of Five Part I

I can only begin to tell you how many emails, phone calls and letters I receive from disheartened housewives. Many of them are about their husbands but the majority are about how disappointed they are in the outcome of their lives. It can be a heartbreaking reality for many who planned on being bigger than life by the time they were married with children. Some housewives are becoming alcoholics as a way to cope with their own perceived failures. Even more housewives are severely depressed.

If you are one of these housewives, you are not alone. Before you count your life as a loss take some time to re-evaluate your situation. If you participated in the Martin Luther King Jr Day journal activity, now would be a good time to begin writing if you haven't already. Start by writing a couple pages using the Rule of Five.

Rule of Five: Self Reflection

• 5 years ago I wanted to be...
• Since then I have done the following to achieve that goal...
• Since then I have done the following that has prevented me from reaching that goal...
• As a result of my actions or lack of actions I am now...
• 5 years from now I want to be...

This reflection will help you remember where you were going and help you get a grip on where you really are. By taking note of what you've done you may notice that you really are on track. You may notice that you are only a few steps away from completing that goal and have simply lost sight of your progress. This reflection may also help you realize what you've done to sabotage your own success. It is important to be honest with yourself as you write about these five points. Being honest with yourself about what you have done to sabotage your goals might reveal the reasons for the sabotage. Maybe you are afraid of succeeding in your goals. It is equally important to acknowledge how your actions, good or bad, have brought you to where you are today. Life doesn't just happen to us. If you can accept this then you can sooner take control of your life.


Rule of Five: Progression

• Is your new goal realistic? For example, if you want to be a ballerina by 30 and you're 28, you may want to find a more realistic goal. By setting an unattainable goal you are deliberately sabotaging your success. You can't fail if you can't reach the goal in the first place.
  
• What must be done to reach your goals? I say "must" because this entails all of the things required to reach this goal whether or not you're willing. Honesty is important here as in all of these bullet points.
  
• What must change in your way of life to make this dream a reality? This question is perhaps the most frightening. Some wives find that the thing that must change is their marital status or the person to whom they are married. No matter how disturbing, be honest about what has to change in your life.
  
• Are you willing to make the necessary changes and take the necessary steps to change your life? Now that you know what it takes to be where you want in life, are you willing to take the steps? Again, be honest. If not then go back to step one with a new goal.
  
• What will it take to remain focused? Do you need a new network of friends? A new address?

Life can be overwhelming when you are focused on the journey and not your destinations. Take a time out to re-evaluate and redirect as often as you deem necessary. Keep your focus on your goals and all of the other stuff around you becomes smaller and smaller.

Write to Red at Theredhousewife@yahoo.com

Dirty Red: Lingerie Questions Answered

What's a corset? How do I buy the right size and what else should I buy my wife to go with it?

The most common and well-known use of corsets is to slim the body and make it conform to a fashionable silhouette. For women this most frequently emphasizes a curvy figure, by reducing the waist and thereby exaggerating the bust and hips.

An overbust corset covers the bust, waist and hips. They sometimes come with shoulder straps.

An underbust corset begins just under the breasts and extends down to the hips.

Corsets come with garters, little clips that hook to hosiery or bustles or even skirts. Most corsets come with matching panties, thongs being the most popular. If you are buying a corset for your wife check for garters. If it has garters just add hosiery, if not you will need a garter belt to go with the hosiery. Matching panties aren't necessary but they would complete the look.

Hosiery would be according to taste. Fishnet thigh-highs are the most popular. The average or bold woman prefers black. A woman into the 50's may prefer smooth thigh-highs with seams. If your wife comes off as sweet, shy or innocent she may prefer white hosiery with lace.

To ensure the right size without giving away your gift surprise, snatch a bra and a fitted t-shirt belonging to your wife. This will tell you what her cup size and waist size is. It is important to note what type of bra you've nabbed, demi, full, etc.

You can buy corsets and more at Dirty Red

Netflix Pix

My picks for this week are in both instant watch and DVD. I decided to try going by a theme to compliment movies that are in theaters or that are on their way to theaters.


Curse of the Golden Flower

(Man Cheng Jin Dai Huang Jin Jia)

2007 R 114 minutes

This lavish film from landmark director Yimou Zhang follows the romantic intrigue and political machinations in the house of the Emperor Ping (Yun-Fat Chow) and his ailing wife (Li Gong), a pair whose secret passions and schemes ultimately affect the lives of their children. Will their reign end in a bloody coup for all? Sumptuous costumes and dazzling martial arts form the backdrop for this complex tale of loyalty, deception, love and betrayal.

Catch Jay Chou as Kato in the remake of The Green Hornet.

The Fabulous Baker Boys

1989 R 114 minutes

Sibling jazz musicians Frank (Beau Bridges) and Jack Baker (Jeff Bridges) decide they need a chanteuse to spice up their piano act and take them beyond seedy nightclubs. They choose beautiful and sexy songbird Susie Diamond (Michelle Pfeiffer), and the trio becomes a huge success. But when a relationship develops between Susie and Jack, the brothers are forced to think about where they're headed -- and how honest they've been with each other.

Catch Jeff Bridges in Tron Legacy and True Grit.



X-Men

2000 PG-13 104 minutes

Amid increasing fear and bigotry, Professor Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart) provides a safe haven for powerful outcasts like Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), Rogue (Anna Paquin) and Storm (Halle Berry), who are genetically gifted mutants -- and the world's newest, most persecuted minority group. In an explosive battle for freedom and honor, the X-Men take on Magneto (Ian McKellen) and his band of evil mutants, who relish the public's paranoia.

Catch Halle in her limited release movie Frankie & Alice

The Transporter

2002 PG-13 92 minutes

Former Special Forces officer Frank Martin (Jason Statham) will deliver anything to anyone for the right price, and his no-questions-asked policy puts him in high demand. But when he realizes his latest cargo is alive, it sets in motion a dangerous chain of events. The bound and gagged Lai (Shu Qi) is being smuggled to France by a shady American businessman, and Frank works to save her as his own illegal activities are uncovered by a French detective.

Catch Jason Statham in The Mechanic coming soon to theaters.

The Iron Giant

1999 PG 86 minutes

In rustic 1957 Maine, 9-year-old Hogarth finds a colossal but disoriented robot (of unknown origin), and the two form a strong bond of friendship. Before long, however, a government agent is on their trail -- and he's intent on destroying the automaton. This beautifully rendered parable based on British poet Ted Hughes' feted short story features the voices of Jennifer Aniston, Vin Diesel, Harry Connick Jr. and Cloris Leachman.

Catch Vin Diesel in Fast Five: The Fast & The Furious 5.