How to Give Her a Mind Orgasm

We've all heard the Alanis Morissette song, All I Really Want. She practically ignited a riot amongst Generation X when she shouted, "And all I need now is intellectual intercourse, a soul to dig the hole much deeper."

Many Star Trek fans also remember at least one episode per version of the show where someone performed a mind meld. It began with Mr. Spock and continued on to Deanna Troi on The Next Generation, as well as Odo on Deep Space Nine to name a few. It would seems as though the geeks and nerds of the Sci-Fi genre have a deeper understanding of what it is that women truly want. Their ideas of making love tend to involve discussing literary works or scientific theory before somehow, telepathically perhaps, tapping into her deepest desires and satisfying her in ways even Captain James T. Kirk couldn't accomplish. Could all of these geeks and nerds be wrong? In my opinion, no.

How many times have you come home to a woman who is rambling on and on about "that bitch at work" (or the PTA, or the grocery store, or wherever) and wondered what you did to deserve to be tortured? You really don't want to hear her crap. But guess what, she want's to talk about it. And what she wants more than to talk about it, is to have you listen to her. And I don't mean sit there blankly while fighting the urge to dose off. I mean active listening, asking questions, relevant questions and giving a corresponding opinion. Making a woman feel like you are actually listening to her and valuing her thoughts is the equivalent to unfastening her bra. It won't be long before you're bumping uglies in the dark, or smashing, as it has been recently referred.

But you can't just sit there and listen to her babble. Although, depending on the woman you chose to be your mate, you may have to do just that. In reality, most women want to talk about something more. Ask her about the situation in Tel Aviv, her opinions on the misogyny of feminism, when is the right age to wean a child from breast feeding. Even if she has never thought of those things before, chances are, she will be grateful that you even attempted to have an intellectual conversation with her. Don't get me wrong, every woman wants to be beautiful and esthetically attractive. But the truly confident ones are already content with their outward appearance. They don't need or want any reassurance from you that they have "a big fat butt." What they want is to know that they are more than just a "dime piece." If you encounter a topic she knows nothing about, teach her. She will respect you for it. Think of the football fan in the fall, all set to watch his favorite team when his woman walks in. She has no idea what's going on or even what a touchdown is. But he recognizes that she wants to be a part of this aspect of his life, so he teaches her. And although she may ultimately choose a different team as her favorite, together they can enjoy one of his past times simply because he took the time to teach her.

Try it out one day. Pick a Friday or Saturday when you both already planned to stay in. Turn off the t.v. and pour some wine. Only turn on the stereo if you intend to discuss the music playing. Strike up a conversation. Make and maintain consistent eye contact. Discover things about her you never knew before, while sharing things about you with her that she never knew. If you run out of things to say, say nothing. Her mind will peak multiple times in ways you can only imagine. This is the equivalent of removing her panties. I'm sure you know what to do from there.

Stimulating a woman's mind is the best way to show her that she is more than just a sexual object to you. That is the best reassurance you can offer her, whether or not she is insecure. But of course, that doesn't mean that she doesn't enjoy meaningless raunchy sex anymore. It just means you finally made her mind feel what her body feels. If you need more clarification, go ask a geek or a nerd.

Things to Consider BEFORE You Have An Affair

Every wife has thought about cheating on her husband. Exactly what she's thought about it may vary. Some women will swear to the Lord above that the only thoughts they have ever had on cheating is that they would never and that their husbands had better not. But then there are the ones who are seriously weighing their options. Here are some things to consider while you ponder the unthinkable.

Why are you doing it?

There's never a good reason for it. There may be very understandable and forgivable reasons, but no justification ever exists. So figure out your motivation for doing it in the first place. If you're bored, angry, unsatisfied, you may want to put in a little more work with your husband. As Ludacris once said, "Some say that sex is overrated but they just ain't doin' it right." If ho-hum has hit your sex life or if too many arguments have turned you off, find another solution. You will find it extremely difficult to live with yourself once you work through your rough patch if you have an affair for such a simple reason.

But then there are the more complex reasons. I know people who have done it because they can't afford the divorce. Affording the divorce goes beyond the cost of a divorce. In a divorce, consider the living arrangements for the children, which friends you will undoubtedly have to stop seeing, the cost of child support etc. Justified or not, there are some situations where it's easier for some women to supplement rather than replace. Whatever your decision, make sure the reason you choose is one you can live with.

What do you want out of the affair?

There are long term and short term affairs. You have to be clear before you have the affair of exactly what you want. If you are looking for a full-fledged relationship to replace your own, it's better to wait until the relationship has officially ended. "Once a cheater always a cheater" is a concept that applies to women as well. How will your new belle or beau be able to trust that you will be faithful when you were cheating when you met? This will certainly trip up your road to happiness. If you want short term, does your lover want the same thing? We've all seen the stalker stories on Discovery ID and Lifetime where one person wants sex and the other believes they were soul mates. If what you want is short term, consider how far the other person may be willing to go to keep the relationship going. If what you want is long term, can you handle letting go?

Are you willing to lose everything?

This goes back to my first question. Why are you doing it? If your reasons to have the affair outweigh your reasons to abstain, in theory, your situation is such that you are ready to lose everything. Which is why some say, just end the relationship. When you have the affair, you aren't just risking your marriage. Your friends and family will judge you. Some will forgive you, others will not. Your employer may find out thus ending your employment, especially in an at-will hire state. Are you a PTA member, philanthropist, public figure, community leader? If so, you may do irreparable harm to your career and your community. What will you do when your child's teacher finds out? Will the couples you used to hang out with shun you to protect their own relationships? Being a cheater can be very lonely.

Is this going to be a secret?

If you plan on keeping this affair a secret, can you handle it? In order to keep an affair secret, you have to be able to behave as if nothing at all has changed. You also have to make sure that the lover you choose has just as much to lose if not more than you. A single man has nothing to lose if your husband finds out, but a married man would. But then that elevates your transgressions to include an entirely different family. Can you live with that on your conscience? You have to be very discreet about your affair if you choose to have one. You can't risk being seen in places where you will be recognized. There is always the chance that your spouse's friends may be out one day and see you with your lover. What happens then? How will your spouse react once he or she discovers what you did? Is your spouse suicidal, homicidal, likely to take the children and flee? If you choose to have an affair, you will have to spend more money to travel to far away or private places. Or, you will have to spend all of your time indoors, which may be what you want in the first place.

Will you use protection? 

This seems like such an obvious answer, but Maury Povich isn't famous for political interviews. The fact is, the average woman does not know when she's ovulating. Which means, if she is having sex without birth control or barriers, she will increase her probability of getting pregnant. How do you explain a pregnancy to your spouse? What if you're still having sex with your spouse, will you know who is your child's father? Will your lover cut and run the moment he discovers you're pregnant? The thing to remember is, you are having an affair. The lover you choose, may not feel the need for monogamy. Who are you to criticize? Your lover could bring home everything from HPV to AIDS. If you aren't using protection, you risk infecting your spouse and any unborn children. If you use protection with your lover that you normally don't use with your spouse, you will be discovered.

How will you handle an unplanned pregnancy?

There are a few choices. You can come clean to your spouse and keep the baby. You can come clean and choose adoption. You can have an abortion. You can lie and let your spouse believe it's his baby. Keeping the baby opens your whole family up to ridicule. Having an abortion, right or wrong, will have a lasting emotional effect on you. Choosing to allow your spouse to believe your lover's child is his own presents a number of issues. Your lover may want his child to be with him and his family. Your spouse may become suspicious and decide to ask for a DNA test. Your friends will be burdened with the decision to tell your spouse or remain loyal to you. Your child will grow up not knowing the true identity of his or her father.

My goal is not to sway your decision either way. But one must consider all possible consequences of their decisions. Only you know what the right decision for you will be.

Reclaiming Your Life From Time Bandits

One of the biggest complaints from my readers is the inability to manage their time. Some are overwhelmed with their full schedules. Others can't seem to figure out just how to manage a productive schedule. This is the common complaints of most parents. Time management is easy when you have a job. There is a supervisor over your shoulder micromanaging the job with which you were entrusted. But what about at home?

The first thing to do is to identify where all of your time is going. Clearly it isn't being spent doing what you need or want to do, or you wouldn't be searching for answers. I compiled a list of the most common Time Bandits based on reader response.

The Laundry

If you have your own washer and dryer, you are a victim of the a time bandit. The average person throws their laundry in the wash and walks away. They don't come back until they realize they need to put it in the dryer some time later. When that time comes, the clothes go into the dryer and again, the person walks away until they remember to go back which can be over an hour later. Then the laundry is shoved into bags or baskets and dumped on a couch or bed before the person goes to the next load. In some cases, the laundry either is folded and left out, or not folded at all. The whole family lives out of the laundry pile until the basket is needed for dirty clothes. So the cycle begins again.

The Solution

On Mother's Day there was a Mommy Dearest marathon. In one scene, Christina is in Joan's laundry room after returning from school. In the laundry room there was a table, chairs, magazines and snacks. This is actually how Laundromats began. "The help" would remain in the laundry room and wait for the washer and dryer to stop so that no time was wasted between loads. Laundry was immediately folded or placed on hangers to prevent the need to iron later. Then it was immediately put away. Yes, this is boring. But it saves a tremendous amount of time. What I do, I listen for the buzzers and set the timer on my phone. This way, I can get other things done without forgetting the laundry. I also have a folding station in my garage, available at Target. I gained about 4 hours by simply watching my laundry. Another tip is to hang up clothes in ready made outfits for adults and children. If you're ever running late, everything you need is on one hanger.

Mealtime

Read any recipe, watch any cooking show, and they will tell you the prep time for each meal. Sometimes it's five minutes. Other times it's 15 minutes. Multiply that by the number of meals you cook per day, per week, and you'll find your time bandit. Don't forget the clean-up after meal preparation. 

The Solution

To save time and money, plan at least two meals that contain the same ingredients. You can make the same meal twice or two different meals. For example. I am making frybread tacos for dinner tonight. On Friday, I am making spaghetti and meatballs. Since I am already thawing out bison for the tacos tonight, I may as well use the other half of the meat to make my meatballs now. Come Friday, I'm simply warming up the meatballs and sauce, and cooking the spaghetti. A 30 minute meal, just became an eight minute one. Stick to meals that can be frozen at the prep phase or that has ingredients that will last the week. If you intend to take any food with you to work the next day, package it while you cook. Once you serve dinner, put away the extras while it cools. You'll not only save time, you'll also exercise portion control and expedite your clean up time. Do the dishes after your meal, but before you do anything else. You won't be in the mood to do it later. You'll wind up with double the dishes and half the time. Drink a cup of coffee after dinner to give yourself a boost of energy. Another tip is to buy simple breakfasts that can be microwaved or come ready to eat. Cold cereal and toast, instant oatmeal, Jimmy Dean meals etc. are all examples of quick breakfasts that will save time. If you or your family members are not much for breakfast, make your own Starbuck's protein boxes. Slice some apples and cheese. Add some walnuts and cranberries with whole grain crackers. Put them all in a small container. You and your kids can eat in the car or drop them in their backpacks until they feel like eating. A thermos goes a long way, literally. You don't have time or money for Starbuck's or any other coffee runs. Get a Keurig and take your coffee to go.

Bedtime

It's Sunday night and your kids need a bath, all of them. They all are refusing to bathe because they don't want to go to bed. You finally catch one of them and get him into the bath. By the time he's cleaned and in pajamas, you're exhausted and your back hurts but you may or may not have more children to bathe. This process, depending on the number of children you have, can take two or more hours. Your work extends beyond the bath due to the fact that you have to clean the tub out each time.

The Solution

First, infants and toddlers up to age three can be bathed together. That's at least one less bath. The same is true of children of the same gender and ages. However, the older they are, the less practical this is. In fact, if your child is in second grade or higher, teach him or her to take a shower. Set a timer so the next kid can get in the bathroom. When actually running the water for a bath, place your child in to soak. When you have just enough water to cover the lower half of your child's body, start scrubbing. Let the water out of the tub while you rinse. Clean the dirt out of the tub immediately. Remember, the goal is to bathe everyone quickly, not marinate in Calgon.

Morning Mayhem

Parents or not, many people tell me about how they look at the clock and have plenty of time to get to work on time, then they blink and they're late. Many have tried getting up earlier but wind up paying for it later. Parents tag team the kids, but one always ends up running late.

The Solution

Remember when you were a child, your parents told you to eat your vegetables first? The reason is because once you got through the stuff you didn't like, you could take your time and eat the stuff you liked. It's the same principle with your morning routine. You already know your children are going to slow you down. So start with them. Start by setting two alarms, one to break your sleep, another to make you get up. Wake your eldest child first. Get him in and out of the bathroom, which will be easy since he bathed the night before. Have him dressed in the clothes he laid out the night before or one of the outfits ready to go on the hanger. This is why the laundry solution is so important. Let him feed himself. While this is taking place, wake up the younger children and follow the same routine. By the time your eldest is ready to eat, depending on his age, he can serve his siblings. This is why the simple breakfast options in the mealtime solution is important. When everyone is ready to go, do the same for yourself. Kids love cartoons, let them watch them. It keeps them out of your face while you get ready. Kids also love telling parents what to do. Let one of your kids do the clock watching. Have him tell you the time every five minutes to keep you on track. Limit your morning prep time to ten minutes if you can. Make-up should be simple enough to be done in five minutes. If not, and you're not working, apply foundation and move on. You can finish your airbrushed look after taking the kids to school. I work, so I have a make-up kit at work for the days when I am running late. I apply my foundation at home, then go to work and apply my eye shadow, mascara and lip gloss. However, if you happen to be a morning person and don't need the snooze bar on your alarm, do this solution in reverse. Completely dress and prepare yourself before starting the child prep frenzy. But be advised, once the children wake up, they will be in your face.


There are many other solutions to your Time Bandits. Try these for a while and email me your results at : TheRedHousewife@yahoo.com.

Passive Aggressive Counterattacks: Getting Even at the Office

As D. L. Hughley once said, "Everybody got somebody working at they job that's this close to you whoopin' they ass."

There are a multitude of reasons to want revenge. Most of them are because you can't legally put your hands on someone and keep your job or even a clean criminal record. Since the very first job, there was a brown-noser, a rat, and a thunder-stealer. No matter what their offense, they are offending you. The reason these people exist at your job is always management. Management is the deciding factor when it comes to taking disciplinary action against these people, but they rarely do. The reason is that management is getting something out of keeping that person on the payroll.

Managers never fire the rat of the office because the rat is providing information. The rat also never gets promoted above the manager because they are too valuable as the rat. The brown-noser is never terminated because he or she is too nice to possibly have done anything wrong. They also will never be promoted above the manager because the manager needs the constant ego boost.The thunder-stealer takes all the glory resulting from the hard work of others. Therefore, the thunder-stealer will always appear to be more successful than he or she is in reality.

So what can you do? You can't afford to quit or act a fool. Still, you really want to get even with this person. Here are some passive aggressive ways to get even, that were submitted by my readers.

1. Something's Fishy - Save the water from thawed out shrimp or fish. Pour it into a disposable coffee cup and sprinkle it on the carpet around the target's desk. The target will never be able to find the smell and everyone will avoid them as a result. This will not work if you share the same workspace however.

2. Laugh it off - Whenever that person enters a room, laugh. Whenever you see that person, chuckle. We're not talking hysterically, just enough to make that person notice. We've all been in the situation when we happen to enter a room when people are laughing. We are left to wonder if we were the butt of a joke. The target will begin to ask everyone if they are the target of gossip. Since they are not, the target will appear paranoid and will be avoided. Isolation can be the best revenge.

3. Porn star - If anyone has ever purchased even one item from an adult website, they are aware of all the residual mail that follows. If you order Playgirl or Playboy, expect mail from Trojan and Adam and Eve. So, place an order or request a catalogue from an adult entertainment company in the target's name. Send it to the office. The employee will have a very difficult time trying to explain the mail and the deliveries. If you choose this option, you cannot use your own credit card or Paypal account. You can also subscribe their work email to porn sites. If you just "happen" to walk by their desk as they're deleting the emails you can make a small scene about it. "What the heck are you reading?" The target will always wonder if you will report it. You just might.

4. Flaunt it - The reason these people are so impossible is because they are unhappy with their own lives. Find out why in whatever way you see fit, and exploit them. I once worked at an office with a woman who could not have children. She tormented a coworker of mine by lying on her to get her into trouble. Despite my intervention and the interjections of other employee witnesses, the manager always took the woman's side. So, one day, my coworker came to work with pictures from her pregnancy and her children's infancy. She spread them out on the lunch table and asked us all to share in her happy memories. We did, completely unaware that her goal was to rub it in the woman's face. It was cruel but immensely effective.

Currently, there is an office rat I work with that no one likes. She also has a self-diagnosed weight problem. So, two of my coworkers banded together to make her feel horrible. They flaunt their weight loss and even embellish it. They wear body shapers and other clothing to create the illusion that they lost more weight than they had. Their target never leaves her office now, which is exactly what everyone wanted in the first place.

5. Kill 'em with kindness - This is less about your own karma and more so about revenge. When someone is treating you horribly and you don't react, you take on the image of the innocent victim. The person gets comfortable with their unchecked behavior and eventually take it too far. So let that person say inappropriate things to you, document it and the names of all of the witnesses. No matter what, smile and be polite. When you've taken all you can, don't go the manager that's in the target's pocket. Go to the next level of supervisors. Report the target for harassment and the manager for discrimination. If you have been reporting the target's behavior and nothing has been done about it, the manager is now just as guilty. The manager is not likely to be terminated or reprimanded, but the spotlight will be on them from now on. Not only will the target leave you alone, but the manager won't be so quick to defend them either.

There are many more ways to get even. There are entire websites devoted to the idea. But in my opinion, the best thing to do is to focus on your own life. They're goal is to upset you, steal your thunder, isolate you. They will succeed if you're walking around the office upset, complaining, and focusing on how to get even. Happiness and success is the best revenge. Focus on your own relationships, physical and mental health, and work performance. One day, you'll look up and realize that your life is so much better than your target's. You may even find that you feel sorry for that person. Empathy looks better than vengeance any day.

Ten Movies That Never Should Have Been Remade

Carrie

It has been remade into obliteration and even spawned sequels. The reason this movie can never be outdone is that the original is timeless. Although the original shock and horror of the film are non-existent, all other issues continue today. There is a mother who possibly has a mental or emotional disorder, a bullied teenager, a group of mean girls, and a painfully complacent group of adults. This movie continues to show that not much has changed in our society as it continues to be relevant in regards to human behavior.

Rosemary's Baby

Let's face it, no horror movie should ever be remade. This is especially true of horror classics. Part of the appeal of Rosemary's Baby is implication. We never actually see anything which is the appeal of the original film. Was this her imagination? Where the people around her really up to something? The most important part of the film is the time period in which it was written. At the time of this film, pregnant women were still treated like disabled toddlers. Husband's spoke for them and no one could even spell HIPPA. Today, if a pregnant woman says, "I want to move out of this building" the family moves out of the building. Pregnant women today have far more power than pregnant women at the release of Rosemary's Baby. This is what made the film so frightening. The possibility of the same situation happening to the viewer makes the film. Remaking it, makes it completely unbelievable.

The Imitation of Life

I'm not sure why this was remade at all. In fact, both versions are so nearly identical, when I purchased them on DVD, I hadn't realized I was watching two different versions. The story is heartbreaking and disturbing. It need not be remade. The acting could not have been improved upon. It was an instant classic.

Steel Magnolias

I have never been a fan of "Black remakes." It's when a studio decides that a movie would be better if there were Black people in it. It takes away from the actual story. I watched the remake of Steel Magnolias on Lifetime, and spent the entire time comparing it to the original. I couldn't enjoy the actual film. What if there was a white version of The Color Purple or Harlem Nights? It would be just as pointless. Race should never be the motivating factor in producing a remake.

Let The Right One In

This foreign film was easy to follow and thoroughly effective. The remake lost the sentiment, the mood, the depth that the original had. Of course the actors were engaging, but there was no need to remake the film.

Single White Female

Again this movie was timeless, with the exception of placing a want ad in the paper. The only update this movie needed was an ad on Craigslist, and a pixie cut rather than the mushroom cut the actress wore. The idea that someone would attempt to replace you by actually becoming you is utterly bone chilling no matter when the film was made.

Fatal Attraction

I realize the irony in this selection. Fatal Attraction was based on Play Misty for Me. Each film is timelessly terrifying in its own way. Still, someone decided to remake Fatal Attraction with Idris Elba and Beyoncé Knowles. Why? They added nothing, they improved nothing.

Hairspray

My sister-in-law loved this remake. It was entertaining in its own right. But the focus was placed on the fact that John Travolta was in drag and the long line of celebrities in the film. The original came from the great filmmaker John Waters. At that time, we all expected him to have a drag queen in the movie. The fact that there was a certified drag queen, Divine, in the film made it easier to focus on the content rather than the stars. Ironically, the actors in the film went on to be even more famous. One whom being Ricki Lake.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Wes Craven got it right the first time. In fact, he did it so well, the highest grossing films in the franchise were made by Wes Craven. The remake of this film was so terrible, I fell asleep. It was a ridiculous waste of money.

Halloween

Again, classic horror films should never be remade. But trying to update them by adding a rape scene, gratuitous sex, and a docile female lead is practically an abomination. Granted, the new Michael Meyers was far more terrifying. The acts of violence were more entertaining. But I would have paid more money to delete the rape scene and to bring in Jamie Lee Curtis again.

Ending the Cycle of Obectification

To better understand the topic on which I am speaking, I recommend watching Misrepresentation on Netflix. It is a documentary that chronicles the objectification of women in the media. It does an excellent job of disillusioning the viewer from believing that the images of women in the media is simply the media corporation giving the people what they want. The very first quote of the film that is displayed across the screen is from Alice Walker.

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."

Many parents today seem to be of the belief that there is nothing they can do to keep certain images away from their children. They believe that at some point, the objectification of women is inevitable. Others seem to be oblivious to the reality of just how these images are making their way into their lives. Upon viewing the film, I was instantly proud of my parenting skills. I let my husband know right away, that we have done an effective job, albeit by accident, shielding our children from those negative images.

I can't remember the last time I watched a music video. I only know that for a fact, I have not seen one since I found out I was pregnant with my now eight year old. I remember thinking as a young, wild, college student, that music videos of all genres were dangerously close to porn. I remember feeling inadequate as a beautiful and intelligent young woman. I remember thinking that my roommates had degraded themselves on a Los Angeles club dance floor, and for what? They reminded me of a quote from the character Ronnie in the 1998 movie The Player's Club.

"Sometimes, they be making you work too hard for that lil' ten dollars. They be wanting you to do too much. 'C'mon, bend over, spread your legs, bankhead bounce for me.' What?? all that for $10??"

I made a conscious decision not to watch music videos or movies that objectified women. But I was not 100% successful. The things I did not remove from my life remained because I too was brainwashed into believing it was normal. Still, my eight year old son has never seen a music video. He has never seen his mother dressed inappropriately, the he has seen a few brief moments of affection that were not intended for his swift prying eyes. As a result, when we see a woman inappropriately dressed, he diverts his eyes. In his mind, she's naked. When a love scene comes on, he leaves the room. He has never been prompted to do so. Of all of my son's transgressions, cursing has never been one of them. A unique personality trait all his own. But the word "bitch" has never left his lips. Interestingly enough, my son knows the difference between nude art and nudity to sell ads.

A friend of mine was terminated from her job due to a black and white topless photo. The interesting thing about the photo, is that you can't tell the women are topless. They could have been wearing tube tops for all we know. This was immoral and grounds for termination. My son saw the same picture and said, "See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil." He then took note of the fact that it was on a page for full figured women. He had come to recognize this friend as the face online that seeks to have all women treated equally among themselves as well as among men.

I showed him an image of Kate Moss, black and white, nude. It was an ad for Obsession. He turned away. When questioned about his reaction, she answered, "She doesn't need to be naked to sell cologne. Why isn't there a man there? Cologne is for men anyway." I'll say it again, my son is eight.

My three year old daughter is another story. She too has never seen a music video, but her favorite Disney character, second to Eeyore is Tinkerbell. You remember Tinkerbell, mini-dress, servant to boys. In fact, all of her favorite Disney princesses are in movies where the main objective is to get a man. How could I have missed this? Perhaps it is because I was busy cheering for the evil queens whom I was convinced were bullied and misunderstood. I once told my daughter, "Maleficient isn't bad. She's fed up, fed up with being treated like a second class citizen." So maybe there is some hope that at least, my daughter won't think of the less pretty villains as villains at all.

To be clear, I am not a revolutionary. I am simply a mother who intends to ends the cycle of objectification in my family. Yes, I wear make-up and have competed in pageants. But I make it very clear, that I wear the make up as a form of self expression rather than a need. I competed in pageants as a way to prove to myself that I could be both beautiful and smart and be admired for both. I didn't have to choose to be one or the other. But I refuse to allow my son to believe that women exist purely for visual and sexual gratification. I want my son to choose a mate based on her intellectual, emotional, and spiritual well-being rather than how well she can twerk. I want my son to be able to guide his sister as they step off into the world together, without their parents. I want her to choose her mate based on the same merits upon which her brother chooses his mate. I want her to know that she is free to dress in anyway that makes her happy but to be aware of the message some attire sends when worn at inappropriate times.By emphasizing equality, I hope to empower both my son and my daughter.

Here are some small ways to begin to end the cycle of objectification of women in your family.

Block music videos on your cable or satellite system.
Change the radio station in the car when sexually suggestive songs come on.
Ask your teenagers what they want to have happen on their date.
     If they want to get to know the person, is his or her attire a distraction from what they are saying?
     If they want to be seen as more than an "easy lay" are they prepared to say "no" when his or her date makes a move?
Ask your teenager why he or she chose their date in the first place.
Go without make-up on weekends or at least once a week to show that it is not necessary to be considered beautiful.
Don't watch entertainment news programs or stations such as E!, Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight etc. When Good Morning America or other news programs begin to report gossip, change the channel. Say out loud, "That's not news."
When a news anchor or weather person is inappropriately dressed, change the channel.
Keep your scrutiny of other women's make-up and clothing to yourself. If you're judging, they're judging.
Don't watch demeaning or demoralizing reality shows that thrive on "catfights" or objectify women. These would be shows like Scandal, Basketball Wives, Real Housewives, The Bachelor etc.

Boob Rash: How to end it

There you are, minding your own business when an itch strikes under your breast. You rub your shirt or bra against the itch to scratch, but begin to notice a moisture you hadn't noticed before. You lift your clothes and discover a smell reminiscent of a breast milk leak, only sour. You go to the mirror and notice a shadow under your breast that begins to itch and burn when you lift your breast. Congratulations! You have boob rash.

It can be caused by an allergy to your detergent, lotion, or perfume. But it is most commonly due to your breast pressing against the skin just beneath it. This can strike both men and women. And believe it or not, your body mass is not always the contributing factor. Sometimes it's the bra you're wearing. If the bra rubs against your body or if the bra fails to offer adequate support, the end result is boob rash.

How to prevent it

Find the right bra size - If your bra size is a D cup or larger, you should replace your bras every 3 to 6 months. If your bra size is C or smaller you should replace your bra every 8 months to a year. Remember that a proper fit is crucial. Many women get excited when their old bra no longer fits and jump to the next cup. This is not always necessary. Weight gain usually results in a band increase, the number of your bra size. Full busted women may have a small band size, 32 or 34 inches but may have a need for a full cup, DD or FF for example. Getting the wrong cup size will cause boob rash no matter what size you are.

Wear the right style of bra - The best bra for D cups and larger are unlined or non-padded. Whenever possible, wear a breathable stretchy lace or similar fabric. It provides breathable yet sturdy support. Also look for bras that are specifically for full figured women. They provide better support and last longer than 6 months. They also provide more spacing between the cups to prevent moisture that occurs when your breasts are pressed together in regular bra. Regular and full figure bras are the same in size but designed differently for support and comfort.

Powder - I've seen many sites recommend baby powder or simple corn starch under the breasts. But based on the wisdom of women who have managed to avoid and recover from boob rash the only powder that works is Vagisil. They were very specific about which Vagisil powder, it is the fragrance free for sensitive skin version. Considering its intended use, I am not surprised.

Change your detergent - Using "free and clear" detergents should help considerably. But if you are already using it, switch to organic or environmentally friendly detergent. Also, add a cup of vinegar to your wash instead of fabric softener. 

How to treat it 

Stop the moisture - Deodorant is amazing in prevention and providing an early cure. Degree is the only deodorant that seems to work. Buy a travel size stick, not the gel, and toss it after the moisture and rash are gone. Stay away from gel, spray, and moisturizing deodorant sticks. These will exacerbate the problem.

Go Amazon - Go bra-less at home and in bed until it is cured. Bras tend to irritate the rash.

Hygiene - Think of your boob rash as a yeast infection, because that's what it is. When you get home from work or school immediately take a shower to wash away any build-up. If you don't have time for a shower, cleanse the area with a feminine wash.

Vinegar - There are dozens of treatments online that involve pastes, creams, and things that just don't smell good. there is one simple, quick solution. Vinegar. I prefer white vinegar but you can use apple cider vinegar if that's all you have. Grab a sterile cotton ball and soak it in vinegar. After cleaning and thoroughly drying the area gently rub the area with vinegar. If you have been scratching, IT WILL BURN. Fan the area to cool and dry it before applying the Vagisil powder. Do this once a day. After the first treatment, there will be no more itching or burning. After the second treatment, you should notice a drastic improvement in the color of the skin underneath the breast. Depending on how bad your rash is. It should be cured in 3 treatments. If there is no improvement by the third day, or if there is bleeding or weeping skin, see a doctor. Your rash has gone beyond topical treatments.

Remember that I am not a doctor and i am not giving medical advice. However, I have tested the home remedies and treatments online and narrowed them down to the ones that actually work. My friends have been wonderful guinea pigs. They wouldn't allow photos so here are some from the internet.

Early breast rash due to sweat a yeast smell may be present.

Advanced rash, a doctor visit is recommended.

Healing rash