Sunday, July 13, 2014

How to Give Her a Mind Orgasm

We've all heard the Alanis Morissette song, All I Really Want. She practically ignited a riot amongst Generation X when she shouted, "And all I need now is intellectual intercourse, a soul to dig the hole much deeper."

Many Star Trek fans also remember at least one episode per version of the show where someone performed a mind meld. It began with Mr. Spock and continued on to Deanna Troi on The Next Generation, as well as Odo on Deep Space Nine to name a few. It would seems as though the geeks and nerds of the Sci-Fi genre have a deeper understanding of what it is that women truly want. Their ideas of making love tend to involve discussing literary works or scientific theory before somehow, telepathically perhaps, tapping into her deepest desires and satisfying her in ways even Captain James T. Kirk couldn't accomplish. Could all of these geeks and nerds be wrong? In my opinion, no.

How many times have you come home to a woman who is rambling on and on about "that bitch at work" (or the PTA, or the grocery store, or wherever) and wondered what you did to deserve to be tortured? You really don't want to hear her crap. But guess what, she want's to talk about it. And what she wants more than to talk about it, is to have you listen to her. And I don't mean sit there blankly while fighting the urge to dose off. I mean active listening, asking questions, relevant questions and giving a corresponding opinion. Making a woman feel like you are actually listening to her and valuing her thoughts is the equivalent to unfastening her bra. It won't be long before you're bumping uglies in the dark, or smashing, as it has been recently referred.

But you can't just sit there and listen to her babble. Although, depending on the woman you chose to be your mate, you may have to do just that. In reality, most women want to talk about something more. Ask her about the situation in Tel Aviv, her opinions on the misogyny of feminism, when is the right age to wean a child from breast feeding. Even if she has never thought of those things before, chances are, she will be grateful that you even attempted to have an intellectual conversation with her. Don't get me wrong, every woman wants to be beautiful and esthetically attractive. But the truly confident ones are already content with their outward appearance. They don't need or want any reassurance from you that they have "a big fat butt." What they want is to know that they are more than just a "dime piece." If you encounter a topic she knows nothing about, teach her. She will respect you for it. Think of the football fan in the fall, all set to watch his favorite team when his woman walks in. She has no idea what's going on or even what a touchdown is. But he recognizes that she wants to be a part of this aspect of his life, so he teaches her. And although she may ultimately choose a different team as her favorite, together they can enjoy one of his past times simply because he took the time to teach her.

Try it out one day. Pick a Friday or Saturday when you both already planned to stay in. Turn off the t.v. and pour some wine. Only turn on the stereo if you intend to discuss the music playing. Strike up a conversation. Make and maintain consistent eye contact. Discover things about her you never knew before, while sharing things about you with her that she never knew. If you run out of things to say, say nothing. Her mind will peak multiple times in ways you can only imagine. This is the equivalent of removing her panties. I'm sure you know what to do from there.

Stimulating a woman's mind is the best way to show her that she is more than just a sexual object to you. That is the best reassurance you can offer her, whether or not she is insecure. But of course, that doesn't mean that she doesn't enjoy meaningless raunchy sex anymore. It just means you finally made her mind feel what her body feels. If you need more clarification, go ask a geek or a nerd.

Things to Consider BEFORE You Have An Affair

Every wife has thought about cheating on her husband. Exactly what she's thought about it may vary. Some women will swear to the Lord above that the only thoughts they have ever had on cheating is that they would never and that their husbands had better not. But then there are the ones who are seriously weighing their options. Here are some things to consider while you ponder the unthinkable.

Why are you doing it?

There's never a good reason for it. There may be very understandable and forgivable reasons, but no justification ever exists. So figure out your motivation for doing it in the first place. If you're bored, angry, unsatisfied, you may want to put in a little more work with your husband. As Ludacris once said, "Some say that sex is overrated but they just ain't doin' it right." If ho-hum has hit your sex life or if too many arguments have turned you off, find another solution. You will find it extremely difficult to live with yourself once you work through your rough patch if you have an affair for such a simple reason.

But then there are the more complex reasons. I know people who have done it because they can't afford the divorce. Affording the divorce goes beyond the cost of a divorce. In a divorce, consider the living arrangements for the children, which friends you will undoubtedly have to stop seeing, the cost of child support etc. Justified or not, there are some situations where it's easier for some women to supplement rather than replace. Whatever your decision, make sure the reason you choose is one you can live with.

What do you want out of the affair?

There are long term and short term affairs. You have to be clear before you have the affair of exactly what you want. If you are looking for a full-fledged relationship to replace your own, it's better to wait until the relationship has officially ended. "Once a cheater always a cheater" is a concept that applies to women as well. How will your new belle or beau be able to trust that you will be faithful when you were cheating when you met? This will certainly trip up your road to happiness. If you want short term, does your lover want the same thing? We've all seen the stalker stories on Discovery ID and Lifetime where one person wants sex and the other believes they were soul mates. If what you want is short term, consider how far the other person may be willing to go to keep the relationship going. If what you want is long term, can you handle letting go?

Are you willing to lose everything?

This goes back to my first question. Why are you doing it? If your reasons to have the affair outweigh your reasons to abstain, in theory, your situation is such that you are ready to lose everything. Which is why some say, just end the relationship. When you have the affair, you aren't just risking your marriage. Your friends and family will judge you. Some will forgive you, others will not. Your employer may find out thus ending your employment, especially in an at-will hire state. Are you a PTA member, philanthropist, public figure, community leader? If so, you may do irreparable harm to your career and your community. What will you do when your child's teacher finds out? Will the couples you used to hang out with shun you to protect their own relationships? Being a cheater can be very lonely.

Is this going to be a secret?

If you plan on keeping this affair a secret, can you handle it? In order to keep an affair secret, you have to be able to behave as if nothing at all has changed. You also have to make sure that the lover you choose has just as much to lose if not more than you. A single man has nothing to lose if your husband finds out, but a married man would. But then that elevates your transgressions to include an entirely different family. Can you live with that on your conscience? You have to be very discreet about your affair if you choose to have one. You can't risk being seen in places where you will be recognized. There is always the chance that your spouse's friends may be out one day and see you with your lover. What happens then? How will your spouse react once he or she discovers what you did? Is your spouse suicidal, homicidal, likely to take the children and flee? If you choose to have an affair, you will have to spend more money to travel to far away or private places. Or, you will have to spend all of your time indoors, which may be what you want in the first place.

Will you use protection? 

This seems like such an obvious answer, but Maury Povich isn't famous for political interviews. The fact is, the average woman does not know when she's ovulating. Which means, if she is having sex without birth control or barriers, she will increase her probability of getting pregnant. How do you explain a pregnancy to your spouse? What if you're still having sex with your spouse, will you know who is your child's father? Will your lover cut and run the moment he discovers you're pregnant? The thing to remember is, you are having an affair. The lover you choose, may not feel the need for monogamy. Who are you to criticize? Your lover could bring home everything from HPV to AIDS. If you aren't using protection, you risk infecting your spouse and any unborn children. If you use protection with your lover that you normally don't use with your spouse, you will be discovered.

How will you handle an unplanned pregnancy?

There are a few choices. You can come clean to your spouse and keep the baby. You can come clean and choose adoption. You can have an abortion. You can lie and let your spouse believe it's his baby. Keeping the baby opens your whole family up to ridicule. Having an abortion, right or wrong, will have a lasting emotional effect on you. Choosing to allow your spouse to believe your lover's child is his own presents a number of issues. Your lover may want his child to be with him and his family. Your spouse may become suspicious and decide to ask for a DNA test. Your friends will be burdened with the decision to tell your spouse or remain loyal to you. Your child will grow up not knowing the true identity of his or her father.

My goal is not to sway your decision either way. But one must consider all possible consequences of their decisions. Only you know what the right decision for you will be.