Thursday, July 30, 2015
1. Let her do the talking - Understand that when the other woman decides to confront you with the affair, she is there to tell all that she believes you don't know. Let her do it. If your decision is to leave your husband, this information may be useful in a divorce. If you plan to stay you may want to know the details of the affair so that you know what to look for if you suspect it again. Listen to what she says happened just in case you learn something new about your husband he has been hiding from you. demand details. Ask for dates, times, locations, the story of how they met. Don't just question her about your husband. Question her about yourself. What does she know about you? Does she know what your children look like? Does she know what school they attend? You need to know these things in case the person confronting you is mentally unstable.
2. Abandon all trust - Remember, this woman is not your friend. She isn't confessing in order to help you. Ignorance is bliss. She is telling you because she is selfish and wants to clear her conscience. She also may want to seek revenge against your husband for ending the affair or not being truthful about his marital status to begin with. Her mission, whether or not she realizes it, is to destroy what you believe to be a happy marriage. Assume all that she says is a lie and is said with ill intent and malice. She has already proven herself to be untrustworthy by engaging in an affair with your husband. She will research your spouse and use the information she obtained to make the affair seem more involved than it actually was. She will also try to minimize her fault in the situation. Don't fall for this tactic.
3. Surrender no information - She will want to know if you knew about her. She will want to know if you and your husband are planning children or are making any other plans. She may ask if you two were separated or divorced. If this happens, she is doing two one of two things. One, she is sizing you up as competition. She wants to know if you have what it takes to take your husband back. Two, she is trying to find a way to end your marriage for sheer vengeance or to get rid of you so she can be with your husband. Don't answer questions about your marriage. Make her answer all of your questions. If she attempts to back out of answering questions, remind her that she came to you with news that she has taken part in the destruction of your marriage. Take the tone of "you owe me." If she didn't want to answer questions, she shouldn't have come to you.
4. Investigate her motive.- Just because someone tells you she's slept with your husband, doesn't make it a fact. Some women see married men as a good catch. If he's a good husband to you, he'll make a great one for her. After being turned down by your husband, she may want to come to you to find another way to get to him. Some women will go out of their way to convince you that your husband has been with them to break you apart. That leaves him available for her. Maybe she too is married and has been discovered having affairs with other men, or attempting to coax your husband into one. Either way, she is in danger of losing her husband while your husband stays happily married. She will want to even things out by destroying yours, even if it is all a lie. Remember, you cannot trust her.
5. Require proof - No woman has zero proof that she's been with a man. Somewhere she has text messages, FB messages, pics, something that can prove she's been with him. If she refuses to provide proof, you've uncovered her motive. Ask her questions only someone who's been with him would know. What size is his penis? Does he manscape? Does he have tattoos? Ask trick questions. If your spouse has no tattoos, ask what tattoo does he have on his back or stomach, some place she should have seen it. If her answer is anything other than, "he doesn't have a tattoo", she's lying. Match dates with his work schedule or bank card activity. If you catch her in a lie, do not confirm it. Remember, reveal nothing. If you let on that you've caught her in a lie, she will simply learn to tell a better lie to cause more confusion.
6. Remove her from your marriage - Regardless of her motives, her goal is to destroy your marriage. It matters not that she knew, or didn't know your husband is married. What matters is, she knows now. She has the option of completely ending the affair and never going near your husband again so that you can move on with your marriage. But instead, she chooses to tell you about it in hopes that you will leave him. So don't give her any information about your marriage. She doesn't deserve to know if you're separated, pregnant, your sex life is good or bad, or how many years you've been together. She may even ask you what you're going to do now that you know about the affair. That too is none of her business. Think about Jay-Z and Beyoncé. We all know that there was something going wrong in their marriage. But because neither person ever publically confirms or denies anything about their marriage, even when there's an elevator video, no one knows what is going on in the marriage of one of Hollywood's most public couples. Should you choose to forgive your spouse for a verified affair, the last thing you want is for everyone to know it happened in the first place. People will look down at you and assume you are a doormat. Some women will assume that because your spouse has already cheated on you, he will willing do it again with them. The world is filled with unscrupulous people. Keep your marriage private, even when it may be falling apart.
Your decision to forgive an affair or not is a personal and private one. It is not to be shared with anyone, certainly not the other woman. Remember that the other woman is the enemy no matter what lie she believes your husband told her. She is a threat to your marriage and cannot be trusted. Do not end an entire marriage on the word of an immoral person, but also, don't be blind to evidence that is being revealed right before you. Infidelity is a matter to be resolved between a husband and wife, not a wife and mistress.
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Self-employment places you in charge of your career. You directly effect change in your community as well as set, and maintain your own workplace standards. As an employee one may be required to complete trivial, meaningless tasks, the reasons for which they may never learn. As a business owner, every task you assign or complete is an integral part of helping your business succeed. But what is an entrepreneur really? The Oxford Dictionary defines it as "a person who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so." The fact that half of the definition is taking financial risks is crucial. It is this part of the definition that isolates entrepreneurs from their friends and families.
Once you have made the decision to become self-employed, you immediately begin planning. You carefully choose your industry, your approach, and your degree of involvement in the day-to-day operations. Typically, a person is already unemployed or is a homemaker when this decision is made. An open schedule becomes an opportunity to capitalize on your free time. Your family may see things differently.
People don't seem to care how you came to be unemployed. They care about how hard you try to obtain another job. From day one you are expected to begin and maintain an intensive job search. Even if that takes months and you fail, you are expected to accept substandard, underemployment. You may try to explain how your entire paycheck would go to daycare making the job useless, but you are still expected to accept deplorable working conditions rather than remain unemployed. As an entrepreneur, you know this line of thinking is ridiculous and unproductive. You've figured out that the same time investment can be used to lay the foundation for a long term, successful career.
Your family members prefer the security and stability of gainful employment over self-employment. Self-employment is risky. But no matter how many hours you work for another company, at least some pay is guaranteed. Some income is better than none. So when you tell your family that you have made the decision to start your own business, what they really hear is that you've chosen a life of instability. Your family members don't want to support a decision they believe does not contribute to your stability and well-being.
When explaining your decision to your friends and family, do so as you would in a business meeting. Explain the need for such a business. Validate your findings with citations from extensive research. Don't just print information from Google, Bing or Wikipedia. Provide projected profit and loss reports. Provide realistic timelines for your business goals. If you want your family and friends to see you as a business owner, behave as one. Always remember that you need, if not want their support. You should never stop working to earn their support. You don't get to involve your friends and family in your fundraising while ignoring or not allowing their constructive criticism. They are invested in you both emotionally and physically. Don't reduce them to mere financial devotion.
No matter the industry you've chosen, your business will need funds. If you have a non-profit, the fee to turn it into a 501(c)(3) is expensive. If you are a for profit company, you need investment capital to produce goods or services. Strangers will not contribute to your entrepreneurial venture. There has been a lot of buzz about crowd fund sites. Sites like Indiegogo call upon strangers to be benevolent and make donations to your business. But the reality is, more often times than not, people are funded by donations from their family and friends. Your family members are already of the belief that you should be working for someone else. They are worried that your business venture will fail. As a result, they are reluctant to provide financial donations or support. Where will that leave you? What happens to their hard earned money? Should your business fail, not only will they bear the weight your own disappointments, but also they will be less likely to invest money in your next attempt at self-employment. There is a great amount of trust involved in supporting an entrepreneur and even more trust once money is exchanged between friends and family.
Crowd funding sites are the most popular form of fundraising. They are also the source of bitterness and frustration. The best way to advertise your fundraising campaign with a crowd funding site is to share a link to it on social media and email it to all of your contacts. But most of your social media connections and email contacts are friends and family. Basically, crowd funding is a high pressured way to ask your friends and family for money. Not only are they apprehensive about giving your business money, but now they feel their relationship with you will be defined by whether or not they contribute to your fundraising campaign. Each time they see the link reposted on their wall or in their newsfeed, or emailed to their inbox, they wonder what will happen should they choose not to donate. They begin to dread your phone calls or texts for fear of the possibility that you're going to bring up the fact that they haven't contributed yet. Remember, that your friends care and your family loves you. But this does not obligate them to support your business financially. It's uncomfortable. And sometimes, they don't want to tell you "no". It is possible to support someone without having to do so financially.
The better solution is to seek volunteer assistance from friends and family rather than ask them for money. Ask them to circulate flyers to assist with your publicity, to answer phones one day a week, to help package goods, etc. Utilize their current business to your advantage and consider it the equivalent to financial support. Ask your friend who works at an office supply store for free business cards or discounts. Ask your cousin who works at the post office to help you with postage or delivery. Your caterer friend may be willing to cater a lunch meeting where you will meet with potential investors. Involve yourself in your local Chamber of Commerce. Every knows someone who can provide you with what you need without actually giving you cash.
Establishing a Customer / Client Base
The most difficult part of starting a retail business is establishing a customer base. Most products or services are improvements upon existing products or services. This means your product or service isn't very unique and is automatically faced with competition before you open for business. You have to convince faithful customers and clients, that what you have to offer is better in quality and value. You also have to compete with the burgeoning DIY Revolution. Search engines return countless results for recipes for homemade cleaning supplies, restaurant recipes, techniques for crafts and repurposing. No matter how great your product or service, there will always be someone attempting to replicate what you've created for a lower cost.
This is why having those closest to you as your initial customers can be beneficial. Consider the way a pyramid scheme works. You recruit two other people, who each recruit two others, etc. If you convince your family and friends to switch to your product or service, then their family and friends will likely follow. If you make your own jewelry for example, your family will buy and wear that jewelry to work, to a restaurant, to the movies, everywhere. There will be at least one potential customer who sees your jewelry and will want to purchase from you. This is how home retail begins.
Unfortunately, not all family and friends want to buy your product or service. They like what they have and don't see a need to fix what isn't broken. More importantly, if they don't like what you have, there will be uncomfortable tension if they were unhappy with their purchase. We've all heard the saying, "Don't do business with family." Imagine the holidays when that chair you built breaks or that dress you sewed didn't fit. You may be fully aware of the high quality of your work, that doesn't mean that everyone else is.
The solution if you have family that isn't ready to put their faith in you is to find out why. Hold a short presentation. Show them how the product works and for how much less than the original. Perhaps it isn't as cheap as the original. In that case, show them how it's value is higher. Let them give you feedback so that you can be prepared for questions and concerns from other potential clients. Attend expos, conventions, and boutique sales to showcase your product or services. Exposure is your best friend.
Remember, your family and friends love you. They want what's best for you. The idea of venturing out on your own might be terrifying for them. Listen to their concerns to better prepare you for potential difficulties in establishing your career. Entertain constructive criticism. Lastly, don't make your family and friends your personal lender or demand that they be the first in line for your product or service.
Friday, July 24, 2015
My friend was over for the weekend and began using it on her hair. It smelled divine and I wanted to know what it was. It was Cantu Natural Hair Curling Cream. Usually I don't take her advice on products because they leave my hair extremely greasy and perfumed but not moisturized. But I noticed that this product seemed to activate her waves. So I bought some for $5.99 at Target, to use on my daughter's hair. She has silky curly hair like singer Jordan Sparks on a recent Excedrin commercial. I applied it in small amount to her dry hair first. Her hair smelled great for days. It immediately moisturized her brittle ends and dry scalp. Her hair was shiny, soft but not greasy to the touch. But, it did absolutely nothing for her curls. I found I had to wet her hair to activate the curls first, them use the cream. But the cream prevented shrinkage while defining her curls at the same time. She even noticed the difference. She carried herself a little differently after I used it the second time.
I ran out of coconut oil one day and had to await my Ebay shipment. I was desperate and needed some of my daughter's hair cream. Again, my hair smelled great for days. It was greasy for the first day and a half. But by the third day it was no longer greasy. Also, my hair was no longer brittle or crunchy. It was so soft and easy to twist and braid. I have very frizzy hair. I found that the cream immediately curled my hair in the way that coarse curly hair often responds to water. Which for me meant immediate shrinkage. But I was wearing my hair in a peasant braid and later twists. So the style stretched out my hair. After taking down the twists to wash my hair, I found the pattern was better set in my hair. I didn't have to leave the twists in as long to set the waves. But I also found that the twist out didn't last as long. My hair began to shrink, so much so that the wave and curl pattern became pure frizz. My hair was healthier and beautifully repaired, but the shrinkage was a problem.
I will continue to use this product for my daughter. I will probably use it if I haven't been adequately moisturizing my own hair. I may even use it after shampooing to immediately moisturize it. But I won't use it beyond that for styling. I will stick with my coconut oil as it doesn't cause curl shrinkage.
When it comes to Facebook, it can be difficult to maintain your grip on reality. It's so easy to click "like", "share", or "post" that we tend to dig holes for ourselves, out of which we cannot climb. Just one click and you could lose your job, spouse or endanger your own child. Daily, I see posts from people who are having internet battles with other people. Some are angry over real life situations and choose to vent about it online. Some are angry that their Facebook content has been displayed elsewhere by a once trusted family member. And some are disgruntled with the pettiest of issues known to man.
All of this is known to every Facebook user and has been for years. No matter how hard we try, we end up coming back to the social media site because, well, everyone else is still addicted to it. No one wants to write letters anymore. I tried it over the past year. It didn't last longer than a few months. But let's face it, Facebook is fun. There's all those funny memes, and silly quizzes and videos you really wouldn't want your boss to know you've watched. It can be a great marketplace for both buyers and sellers. So how can you keep from being caught up in the dark side of Facebook?
Don't approve friend requests for anyone you wouldn't want to have your home address. Think carefully on that sentence for awhile. You post about your favorite restaurant, your child's school pictures, your garden, your job, your car. With minimal effort, an investigative person could track down your location in just a matter of days if not hours. A simple search on a background check website will even narrow down your list of known addresses. I once caught a criminal who defrauded me out of hundreds of dollars with the use of both Facebook posts and a background check website.
Don't post pictures of anything you wouldn't want to appear anywhere else online. I have grown partial to secret groups on Facebook. That's where all of the dirty talk takes place without being placed in Facebook jail. But the reality is, if one person starts to "get into their feelings" about something you may or may not have posted to send a subliminal message, or about their crush liking one too many of your pictures, everything you've ever posted is but a screenshot away. Not all violations of privacy occur the same way. Sometimes, there is that friend or family member that is so proud of something you've posted that they share or screenshot your photo and post it on their page. You trust that friend or family member, not everyone they've chosen to trust. Just like that, your daughter's innocent first toddler bikini photo has made it to the mainstream internet.
Get a journal. No really, go old school with it. When I first left Facebook, I was left with the overwhelming desire to share everything funny or cute I had seen that day. It was the constant interaction that I craved. Unfortunately, posting was preventing me from leaving so I began writing in my journal every time I felt like posting. I had a journal full of Facebook posts in one month. This kept me from oversharing as well as gave me a visual perspective on just how much I put out there for people to use later to exploit me. Just write it down. If you aren't into journals, restrict your posts. Only post at the same time everyday and allow yourself one post per day. You may like as many posts and photos as you choose but don't share or post anything. When your posting time slot arrives, decide, of all the posts you wanted to share, which is still worth sharing or discussing. You'll find that those awesome memes weren't really as awesome as you thought, nor were they worth reposting.
So what if you've already done the things I said not to do above?
Delete friends. If you delete people that never should have been in your profile, you stop them from doing any further damage. You can't undo any access that they already had but it will end with the last moment they had access. Never tell anyone you are deleting them. Those purge posts you see every so often are a no-no. If someone wants to steal your pictures and do malicious things with them, they will definitely do so after a threat of deletion because they know the time to do it will pass. Long after you've deleted that person you will continue to find recent photos online because they harvested them after seeing your purge warning post.
Restrict access. Maybe you know exactly who can be trusted with access to your photos. If so, create a list of those people under "Restricted". Change your post and photo album accessibility to restricted, so that even if someone is in your friends list they cannot see your most treasured photos or personal posts unless they are in your restricted list.
Delete activity. This is my favorite Facebook function. There are times when I overshare. There are times when I become overzealous about a cause or a revolution. I look back on those moments and feel embarrassed. There are times when I check my notifications and see the "Today in the Past" feature. It makes me cringe that I was dumb enough to post some of that stuff. Now I use that notification to delete any record of that post's existence. If there are recent posts I need to undo, I go to the activity link and delete my activity. Just like that, unless someone already shared it, my mistakes are erased. I also use this link to keep my general activity to a minimum. If I have been flooding timelines, then I can undo this mistake by deleting my posts in the activity log section. I do this every week if I have time. Facebook makes you delete each activity one at a time. So you will learn to post a lot less if you begin regulating your activity log.
Monday, July 20, 2015
Let me begin by saying that I was against the idea of this product. I wash my laundry far too frequently for them to need a freshener that lasts for weeks. But then, summer came and I left a load of laundry in the wash. By morning it was mildewed. Even with rewashing, the smell was still there. Enter Downy Unstopables.
I have severe nasal allergies that, despite my organic remedies, require two, count them, two nasal allergy sprays to control. As a result, I use EOS organic laundry detergent. It's dye and fragrance free. I also don't use bleach. So there was apprehension about using a product that will have me sneezing all day long.
When I approached the product on the shelf at Target, there were red tags everywhere. A 19.5 ounce canister was listed at $8.79, regular price. But if I purchased three I would get one free. So I had to spend $27 to save $9. No deal. But if I knew then what I know now, I would have done just that. Not only would I have been able to sample all of the scents shown above, but I wouldn't have run out so fast.
Not only was the price too high but I there wasn't a way to sample the fragrance before you buy it. There was no "scratch n' sniff" so I had to guess by the name and the color which scent was gentle enough for my laundry, and which scent wouldn't have the men in my home smelling like women.
When I used the product for the first time, I fumbled with it. There was a lid inside the lid. It is clearly intended for freshness but in my home, lids come here to disappear or be eaten by dogs. The instructions were simple, sprinkle as much or as little of the product you prefer into your wash. There are lines inside the clear, colored lid. I had a small load so I filled it to the lowest line. I smelled nothing when it came out of the washer or the dryer. Perhaps my mistake was pouring in the product before putting in the clothes. I had another small load to do, so this time I poured it on top of the load. That was three weeks ago and the fragrance has not faded. My son had a night time accident but didn't tell me until the next day. So I really needed this product that day. This was a large load. I measured to the larger line and didn't fill my standard washer above the indicated mark. I could smell the Lush beads but the laundry still smelled like hard water and faint traces of urine. I washed it again without adding more of the product. I could still smell the Lush, but not as well.
I had another mildew incident. This time there was a load in the washer and a load in the dryer. I washed the first load by measuring the Lush up to the top line. I could still smell the mildew. I didn't bother to measure the product on the second load. I poured a full capful. FINALLY, I got a nice outcome. It was such a nice smell. It didn't aggravate my allergies. But I could sometimes smell the laundry when I entered the room. On a really hot day, when I forgot to wear deodorant (it happens), I could still smell the freshness of the product in my clothes.
I would buy the product again if it weren't for the price. You really do need an entire capful for each load whether large or small. But then again, I could only afford one fragrance. The others may be stronger. Each capful is about 2 ounces. After about 9 washes, the canister is empty. I know that Walmart has an Equate product like this for only $6.59 but I will never shop there. I recommend this product if you use a Free and Clear laundry detergent. That way, you're only adding it to certain loads of laundry like your own, or the linens for example. If you are using this for every load, you're wasting your money. It would be cheaper to buy the fabric softener.
Perhaps the invention of the Downy Unstopables Dryer Bar is on the horizon.
Born between July 23 and August 22
Cancer/Leo cusps tend to be a bit more moody, self-centered, and nurturing. Leo/Virgo cusps tend to be more organized, blunt, and intolerant.
What you see is what you get with a Leo. You will never wonder if a Leo is interested in you or not. They are forward if not downright blatant. They are nurturing, free range parents who will destroy anyone who threatens their children. They are the most loyal of the zodiac. They would never cheat on you unless you cheat first. And even then, they would be ashamed of having done so. They are masters at code switching and are capable of making a positive impression with anyone with whom they come into contact. They are extremely multi-talented. They are generous, helpful, loving, honest and sensitive. It is impossible to be depressed in their company. Although dominant, they prefer a more submissive love making style. Even when they are on top, they want you to take charge. Submissive does not mean they aren't aggressive. They fear no one.
Leos have no reason to lie because they aren't afraid of anyone. This means they are brutally honest when they really should be more diplomatic. They are the royalty of the zodiac and they expect you to just deal with your reality and will lack compassion if you are having difficulty with coping. You will always know how a Leo feels or what one thinks because they won't shut up. Sometimes they can be so blunt and in your face, all you want to do is back away from them. Their light is so bright, it burns. They are so loyal, that they are easily made jealous. You must compliment them and only them. Remember, they are your king or queen, everyone else is beneath you. So charming, or flirting or cheating with someone else is a brutal insult for which you will never be forgiven. They are the "Jack of all trades and the master of none". For all their talents, they master none of them. They desperately need you to help them focus as a royal council advises the king and queen. Both male and females make great parents, allowing their children to be who they are, but are also helicopter parents. They are hands on to a point where they may homeschool a child or offer to teach at the child's school because they believe the teacher to be substandard. Even if she isn't. They can be too sensitive. Everything is potentially an insult, every action, every failure to act. If you want a lover to please you and only you, you may be frustrated with a Leo. A Leo woman on top is focused on herself and expects you to focus on her as well. Your climax is secondary. The same goes for a Leo man.
Leo - No one understands a King like a queen. Equally yoked all around.
Aries - But only if the woman is the Leo. An Aries man will not cheat, nor will he tolerate it. He will guide her and let her shine at the same time. They are a power couple. Neither is forgiving of adultery. Neither will settle for anything other than success.
Cancer - But only if the Man is the Leo. A Cancer woman will submit to the Leo man. He will shower her with gifts, love, and affection. He expects her to stay home and care for the children and she is happy to play that role. Cancer is both dominant and submissive in bed, knowing when to take over in all aspects of their lives.
Born between June 21and July 22
Being born on the cusp means you were born on June 21 or July 22nd. You may embody some of the preceding or succeeding signs. Gemini / Cancer cusp may make you more moody than other Cancers. Cancer / Leo cusp may make you more self-centered or heightening your need to nurture or parent.
Cancers are great at keeping secrets, yours as well as their own. They are loyal to you, especially in public, even when you are wrong because they are very image conscious. They are protective of themselves, partners and family. They are very sympathetic and make the perfect shoulder to cry on. They are wonderfully supportive parents who put their children first. They have a healthy sexual appetite that may include being both submissive and dominant. Female Cancers make great allies as they will protect and support you by manipulating and destroying your enemies. The enemy of their friend is their enemy. Female Cancers also make great mothers and housewives. All Cancers are creative and emotionally connected to those around them. You will never feel alone with a Cancer.
Although loyal, an unhappy Cancer will cheat on you. They don't like to be alone and will therefore set up the next relationship before leaving the one they're in. They will remain in bad relationships because to them, it's better than being alone. They are so secretive they will lie even when they don't need to do so. They keep clear lines drawn between friends, family and lovers because they don't want anyone talking or comparing notes. They are controlling, manipulative and territorial. Because they want to keep secrets, and keep you to themselves, and don't want to be alone. They are the most conniving of the zodiac as there is no lie they won't tell.
Cancers are also extremely lazy. They must be constantly motivated and gently coaxed into getting the job done. They must be convinced it was their idea all along. This laziness is what makes female Cancers great parents and housewives as they would rather stay home with the children than go to work. However, this makes Cancer fathers irresponsible. They expect the woman to care for the children and often check out of the parenting task altogether. Cancers hold grudges which causes moodiness. They hold everything inside, causing surprise fights over previously resolved issues.
Capricorn - Equally manipulative, strong sense of family, secretive and responsible, image conscious.
Pisces - Equally manipulative, image conscious, spiritually and emotionally in tune.