Passive Aggressive Counterattacks: Getting Even at the Office

As D. L. Hughley once said, "Everybody got somebody working at they job that's this close to you whoopin' they ass."

There are a multitude of reasons to want revenge. Most of them are because you can't legally put your hands on someone and keep your job or even a clean criminal record. Since the very first job, there was a brown-noser, a rat, and a thunder-stealer. No matter what their offense, they are offending you. The reason these people exist at your job is always management. Management is the deciding factor when it comes to taking disciplinary action against these people, but they rarely do. The reason is that management is getting something out of keeping that person on the payroll.

Managers never fire the rat of the office because the rat is providing information. The rat also never gets promoted above the manager because they are too valuable as the rat. The brown-noser is never terminated because he or she is too nice to possibly have done anything wrong. They also will never be promoted above the manager because the manager needs the constant ego boost.The thunder-stealer takes all the glory resulting from the hard work of others. Therefore, the thunder-stealer will always appear to be more successful than he or she is in reality.

So what can you do? You can't afford to quit or act a fool. Still, you really want to get even with this person. Here are some passive aggressive ways to get even, that were submitted by my readers.

1. Something's Fishy - Save the water from thawed out shrimp or fish. Pour it into a disposable coffee cup and sprinkle it on the carpet around the target's desk. The target will never be able to find the smell and everyone will avoid them as a result. This will not work if you share the same workspace however.

2. Laugh it off - Whenever that person enters a room, laugh. Whenever you see that person, chuckle. We're not talking hysterically, just enough to make that person notice. We've all been in the situation when we happen to enter a room when people are laughing. We are left to wonder if we were the butt of a joke. The target will begin to ask everyone if they are the target of gossip. Since they are not, the target will appear paranoid and will be avoided. Isolation can be the best revenge.

3. Porn star - If anyone has ever purchased even one item from an adult website, they are aware of all the residual mail that follows. If you order Playgirl or Playboy, expect mail from Trojan and Adam and Eve. So, place an order or request a catalogue from an adult entertainment company in the target's name. Send it to the office. The employee will have a very difficult time trying to explain the mail and the deliveries. If you choose this option, you cannot use your own credit card or Paypal account. You can also subscribe their work email to porn sites. If you just "happen" to walk by their desk as they're deleting the emails you can make a small scene about it. "What the heck are you reading?" The target will always wonder if you will report it. You just might.

4. Flaunt it - The reason these people are so impossible is because they are unhappy with their own lives. Find out why in whatever way you see fit, and exploit them. I once worked at an office with a woman who could not have children. She tormented a coworker of mine by lying on her to get her into trouble. Despite my intervention and the interjections of other employee witnesses, the manager always took the woman's side. So, one day, my coworker came to work with pictures from her pregnancy and her children's infancy. She spread them out on the lunch table and asked us all to share in her happy memories. We did, completely unaware that her goal was to rub it in the woman's face. It was cruel but immensely effective.

Currently, there is an office rat I work with that no one likes. She also has a self-diagnosed weight problem. So, two of my coworkers banded together to make her feel horrible. They flaunt their weight loss and even embellish it. They wear body shapers and other clothing to create the illusion that they lost more weight than they had. Their target never leaves her office now, which is exactly what everyone wanted in the first place.

5. Kill 'em with kindness - This is less about your own karma and more so about revenge. When someone is treating you horribly and you don't react, you take on the image of the innocent victim. The person gets comfortable with their unchecked behavior and eventually take it too far. So let that person say inappropriate things to you, document it and the names of all of the witnesses. No matter what, smile and be polite. When you've taken all you can, don't go the manager that's in the target's pocket. Go to the next level of supervisors. Report the target for harassment and the manager for discrimination. If you have been reporting the target's behavior and nothing has been done about it, the manager is now just as guilty. The manager is not likely to be terminated or reprimanded, but the spotlight will be on them from now on. Not only will the target leave you alone, but the manager won't be so quick to defend them either.

There are many more ways to get even. There are entire websites devoted to the idea. But in my opinion, the best thing to do is to focus on your own life. They're goal is to upset you, steal your thunder, isolate you. They will succeed if you're walking around the office upset, complaining, and focusing on how to get even. Happiness and success is the best revenge. Focus on your own relationships, physical and mental health, and work performance. One day, you'll look up and realize that your life is so much better than your target's. You may even find that you feel sorry for that person. Empathy looks better than vengeance any day.

Ten Movies That Never Should Have Been Remade

Carrie

It has been remade into obliteration and even spawned sequels. The reason this movie can never be outdone is that the original is timeless. Although the original shock and horror of the film are non-existent, all other issues continue today. There is a mother who possibly has a mental or emotional disorder, a bullied teenager, a group of mean girls, and a painfully complacent group of adults. This movie continues to show that not much has changed in our society as it continues to be relevant in regards to human behavior.

Rosemary's Baby

Let's face it, no horror movie should ever be remade. This is especially true of horror classics. Part of the appeal of Rosemary's Baby is implication. We never actually see anything which is the appeal of the original film. Was this her imagination? Where the people around her really up to something? The most important part of the film is the time period in which it was written. At the time of this film, pregnant women were still treated like disabled toddlers. Husband's spoke for them and no one could even spell HIPPA. Today, if a pregnant woman says, "I want to move out of this building" the family moves out of the building. Pregnant women today have far more power than pregnant women at the release of Rosemary's Baby. This is what made the film so frightening. The possibility of the same situation happening to the viewer makes the film. Remaking it, makes it completely unbelievable.

The Imitation of Life

I'm not sure why this was remade at all. In fact, both versions are so nearly identical, when I purchased them on DVD, I hadn't realized I was watching two different versions. The story is heartbreaking and disturbing. It need not be remade. The acting could not have been improved upon. It was an instant classic.

Steel Magnolias

I have never been a fan of "Black remakes." It's when a studio decides that a movie would be better if there were Black people in it. It takes away from the actual story. I watched the remake of Steel Magnolias on Lifetime, and spent the entire time comparing it to the original. I couldn't enjoy the actual film. What if there was a white version of The Color Purple or Harlem Nights? It would be just as pointless. Race should never be the motivating factor in producing a remake.

Let The Right One In

This foreign film was easy to follow and thoroughly effective. The remake lost the sentiment, the mood, the depth that the original had. Of course the actors were engaging, but there was no need to remake the film.

Single White Female

Again this movie was timeless, with the exception of placing a want ad in the paper. The only update this movie needed was an ad on Craigslist, and a pixie cut rather than the mushroom cut the actress wore. The idea that someone would attempt to replace you by actually becoming you is utterly bone chilling no matter when the film was made.

Fatal Attraction

I realize the irony in this selection. Fatal Attraction was based on Play Misty for Me. Each film is timelessly terrifying in its own way. Still, someone decided to remake Fatal Attraction with Idris Elba and Beyoncé Knowles. Why? They added nothing, they improved nothing.

Hairspray

My sister-in-law loved this remake. It was entertaining in its own right. But the focus was placed on the fact that John Travolta was in drag and the long line of celebrities in the film. The original came from the great filmmaker John Waters. At that time, we all expected him to have a drag queen in the movie. The fact that there was a certified drag queen, Divine, in the film made it easier to focus on the content rather than the stars. Ironically, the actors in the film went on to be even more famous. One whom being Ricki Lake.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Wes Craven got it right the first time. In fact, he did it so well, the highest grossing films in the franchise were made by Wes Craven. The remake of this film was so terrible, I fell asleep. It was a ridiculous waste of money.

Halloween

Again, classic horror films should never be remade. But trying to update them by adding a rape scene, gratuitous sex, and a docile female lead is practically an abomination. Granted, the new Michael Meyers was far more terrifying. The acts of violence were more entertaining. But I would have paid more money to delete the rape scene and to bring in Jamie Lee Curtis again.

Ending the Cycle of Obectification

To better understand the topic on which I am speaking, I recommend watching Misrepresentation on Netflix. It is a documentary that chronicles the objectification of women in the media. It does an excellent job of disillusioning the viewer from believing that the images of women in the media is simply the media corporation giving the people what they want. The very first quote of the film that is displayed across the screen is from Alice Walker.

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."

Many parents today seem to be of the belief that there is nothing they can do to keep certain images away from their children. They believe that at some point, the objectification of women is inevitable. Others seem to be oblivious to the reality of just how these images are making their way into their lives. Upon viewing the film, I was instantly proud of my parenting skills. I let my husband know right away, that we have done an effective job, albeit by accident, shielding our children from those negative images.

I can't remember the last time I watched a music video. I only know that for a fact, I have not seen one since I found out I was pregnant with my now eight year old. I remember thinking as a young, wild, college student, that music videos of all genres were dangerously close to porn. I remember feeling inadequate as a beautiful and intelligent young woman. I remember thinking that my roommates had degraded themselves on a Los Angeles club dance floor, and for what? They reminded me of a quote from the character Ronnie in the 1998 movie The Player's Club.

"Sometimes, they be making you work too hard for that lil' ten dollars. They be wanting you to do too much. 'C'mon, bend over, spread your legs, bankhead bounce for me.' What?? all that for $10??"

I made a conscious decision not to watch music videos or movies that objectified women. But I was not 100% successful. The things I did not remove from my life remained because I too was brainwashed into believing it was normal. Still, my eight year old son has never seen a music video. He has never seen his mother dressed inappropriately, the he has seen a few brief moments of affection that were not intended for his swift prying eyes. As a result, when we see a woman inappropriately dressed, he diverts his eyes. In his mind, she's naked. When a love scene comes on, he leaves the room. He has never been prompted to do so. Of all of my son's transgressions, cursing has never been one of them. A unique personality trait all his own. But the word "bitch" has never left his lips. Interestingly enough, my son knows the difference between nude art and nudity to sell ads.

A friend of mine was terminated from her job due to a black and white topless photo. The interesting thing about the photo, is that you can't tell the women are topless. They could have been wearing tube tops for all we know. This was immoral and grounds for termination. My son saw the same picture and said, "See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil." He then took note of the fact that it was on a page for full figured women. He had come to recognize this friend as the face online that seeks to have all women treated equally among themselves as well as among men.

I showed him an image of Kate Moss, black and white, nude. It was an ad for Obsession. He turned away. When questioned about his reaction, she answered, "She doesn't need to be naked to sell cologne. Why isn't there a man there? Cologne is for men anyway." I'll say it again, my son is eight.

My three year old daughter is another story. She too has never seen a music video, but her favorite Disney character, second to Eeyore is Tinkerbell. You remember Tinkerbell, mini-dress, servant to boys. In fact, all of her favorite Disney princesses are in movies where the main objective is to get a man. How could I have missed this? Perhaps it is because I was busy cheering for the evil queens whom I was convinced were bullied and misunderstood. I once told my daughter, "Maleficient isn't bad. She's fed up, fed up with being treated like a second class citizen." So maybe there is some hope that at least, my daughter won't think of the less pretty villains as villains at all.

To be clear, I am not a revolutionary. I am simply a mother who intends to ends the cycle of objectification in my family. Yes, I wear make-up and have competed in pageants. But I make it very clear, that I wear the make up as a form of self expression rather than a need. I competed in pageants as a way to prove to myself that I could be both beautiful and smart and be admired for both. I didn't have to choose to be one or the other. But I refuse to allow my son to believe that women exist purely for visual and sexual gratification. I want my son to choose a mate based on her intellectual, emotional, and spiritual well-being rather than how well she can twerk. I want my son to be able to guide his sister as they step off into the world together, without their parents. I want her to choose her mate based on the same merits upon which her brother chooses his mate. I want her to know that she is free to dress in anyway that makes her happy but to be aware of the message some attire sends when worn at inappropriate times.By emphasizing equality, I hope to empower both my son and my daughter.

Here are some small ways to begin to end the cycle of objectification of women in your family.

Block music videos on your cable or satellite system.
Change the radio station in the car when sexually suggestive songs come on.
Ask your teenagers what they want to have happen on their date.
     If they want to get to know the person, is his or her attire a distraction from what they are saying?
     If they want to be seen as more than an "easy lay" are they prepared to say "no" when his or her date makes a move?
Ask your teenager why he or she chose their date in the first place.
Go without make-up on weekends or at least once a week to show that it is not necessary to be considered beautiful.
Don't watch entertainment news programs or stations such as E!, Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight etc. When Good Morning America or other news programs begin to report gossip, change the channel. Say out loud, "That's not news."
When a news anchor or weather person is inappropriately dressed, change the channel.
Keep your scrutiny of other women's make-up and clothing to yourself. If you're judging, they're judging.
Don't watch demeaning or demoralizing reality shows that thrive on "catfights" or objectify women. These would be shows like Scandal, Basketball Wives, Real Housewives, The Bachelor etc.