Sunday, May 25, 2014

Passive Aggressive Counterattacks: Getting Even at the Office

As D. L. Hughley once said, "Everybody got somebody working at they job that's this close to you whoopin' they ass."

There are a multitude of reasons to want revenge. Most of them are because you can't legally put your hands on someone and keep your job or even a clean criminal record. Since the very first job, there was a brown-noser, a rat, and a thunder-stealer. No matter what their offense, they are offending you. The reason these people exist at your job is always management. Management is the deciding factor when it comes to taking disciplinary action against these people, but they rarely do. The reason is that management is getting something out of keeping that person on the payroll.

Managers never fire the rat of the office because the rat is providing information. The rat also never gets promoted above the manager because they are too valuable as the rat. The brown-noser is never terminated because he or she is too nice to possibly have done anything wrong. They also will never be promoted above the manager because the manager needs the constant ego boost.The thunder-stealer takes all the glory resulting from the hard work of others. Therefore, the thunder-stealer will always appear to be more successful than he or she is in reality.

So what can you do? You can't afford to quit or act a fool. Still, you really want to get even with this person. Here are some passive aggressive ways to get even, that were submitted by my readers.

1. Something's Fishy - Save the water from thawed out shrimp or fish. Pour it into a disposable coffee cup and sprinkle it on the carpet around the target's desk. The target will never be able to find the smell and everyone will avoid them as a result. This will not work if you share the same workspace however.

2. Laugh it off - Whenever that person enters a room, laugh. Whenever you see that person, chuckle. We're not talking hysterically, just enough to make that person notice. We've all been in the situation when we happen to enter a room when people are laughing. We are left to wonder if we were the butt of a joke. The target will begin to ask everyone if they are the target of gossip. Since they are not, the target will appear paranoid and will be avoided. Isolation can be the best revenge.

3. Porn star - If anyone has ever purchased even one item from an adult website, they are aware of all the residual mail that follows. If you order Playgirl or Playboy, expect mail from Trojan and Adam and Eve. So, place an order or request a catalogue from an adult entertainment company in the target's name. Send it to the office. The employee will have a very difficult time trying to explain the mail and the deliveries. If you choose this option, you cannot use your own credit card or Paypal account. You can also subscribe their work email to porn sites. If you just "happen" to walk by their desk as they're deleting the emails you can make a small scene about it. "What the heck are you reading?" The target will always wonder if you will report it. You just might.

4. Flaunt it - The reason these people are so impossible is because they are unhappy with their own lives. Find out why in whatever way you see fit, and exploit them. I once worked at an office with a woman who could not have children. She tormented a coworker of mine by lying on her to get her into trouble. Despite my intervention and the interjections of other employee witnesses, the manager always took the woman's side. So, one day, my coworker came to work with pictures from her pregnancy and her children's infancy. She spread them out on the lunch table and asked us all to share in her happy memories. We did, completely unaware that her goal was to rub it in the woman's face. It was cruel but immensely effective.

Currently, there is an office rat I work with that no one likes. She also has a self-diagnosed weight problem. So, two of my coworkers banded together to make her feel horrible. They flaunt their weight loss and even embellish it. They wear body shapers and other clothing to create the illusion that they lost more weight than they had. Their target never leaves her office now, which is exactly what everyone wanted in the first place.

5. Kill 'em with kindness - This is less about your own karma and more so about revenge. When someone is treating you horribly and you don't react, you take on the image of the innocent victim. The person gets comfortable with their unchecked behavior and eventually take it too far. So let that person say inappropriate things to you, document it and the names of all of the witnesses. No matter what, smile and be polite. When you've taken all you can, don't go the manager that's in the target's pocket. Go to the next level of supervisors. Report the target for harassment and the manager for discrimination. If you have been reporting the target's behavior and nothing has been done about it, the manager is now just as guilty. The manager is not likely to be terminated or reprimanded, but the spotlight will be on them from now on. Not only will the target leave you alone, but the manager won't be so quick to defend them either.

There are many more ways to get even. There are entire websites devoted to the idea. But in my opinion, the best thing to do is to focus on your own life. They're goal is to upset you, steal your thunder, isolate you. They will succeed if you're walking around the office upset, complaining, and focusing on how to get even. Happiness and success is the best revenge. Focus on your own relationships, physical and mental health, and work performance. One day, you'll look up and realize that your life is so much better than your target's. You may even find that you feel sorry for that person. Empathy looks better than vengeance any day.

No comments:

Post a Comment