Sunday, October 25, 2009

A Survival Guide to Mondays

Hello again, my gorgeous housewives!

I received several emails about how to survive a Mundane Monday. Some of you have issues with the image of being lazy. People already believe housewives are lazy thanks to the invention of soap operas they don't need to see an unkempt home to validate their stereotypes. Let's face it ladies, what you do, no man could do with the same level of grace and electricity as you maintain. It's a job, a full time job with no benefits. It's time to start behaving like the self-employed woman that you are. 

Here's a sample itinerary to help you survive this coming Manic Monday. 

Sunday Night
(I know what you're thinking, "Sunday night?? How many things do I need to do tomorrow??" Relax, this is only a prep that will make your day run smoother and give you a happy start to your week.)

1. Choose an hour to shutdown your kitchen and stick to it. No more snacks and more importantly, no more messes. Once the kitchen is closed do the dishes and make sure your kitchen sink is empty and clean. This is very important for your mental well being on Monday. Imagine waking up and finding the dishes are already done. One less thing to do. 

2. Lay out a Girl Next Door outfit for tomorrow. Choose something that doesn't require you to comb your hair or shave. BUT you must look nice in it. No sweats or moo-moos. Whatever you choose, wear it with pumps. Trust me, it makes a difference. 

3. Grab a box and clear off your bathroom counter. Remove everything but the soap, toothbrushes, and toothpaste.

4. Set out the following on the counter: EITHER foundation OR Powder along with something to apply it with, Mascara, Lip Gloss, Earrings, and EITHER a watch OR a bracelet. 

Now you're ready for Monday. 


1. Don't hit the snooze. Get right up and make your bed right away, as if you MUST get to work on time. 

2. After your morning pee, brush your teeth and wash your face. Put on your make-up and jewelry and pull your hair into a pony tail or leave it down. Those are your only options. (No exceptions, regardless of hair length. No curling or flat irons)

3. Relinquish the bathroom and get dressed down to the heels.

4. Make hot or cold cereal and toast for your family's breakfast. The key here is, leave the stove off.

5. Either, dress your children and place them in front of the t.v. while you have coffee, OR, Let them dress themselves while you have your coffee. But have your coffee (or tea).

6. Kick everyone out. Drop them off if you have to. This would be the time to run your errands. 

7. Take a 15 minute break. (Talk on the phone, check Facebook, whatever)

8. Scrub the bathroom toilet, sink and tub. 

9. Lunch break (1 full hour) no cheating!

10. Clean up the dishes, put away the clean ones.

11. Remember that bathroom box? Take all of the make-up out and put it into a smaller container and put it under the sink. Throw away expired make-up and medicines. Put everything where it belongs or throw it away. 

12. Take that same box and clear off the coffee table and sofas into that box.  (You now know what your Red Zone is for tomorrow)

13. Sprinkle your carpets with the most fragrant carpet fresh around and vaccum the living room. Doing this during the second half of the day leaves visitors with the impression that you did more cleaning than your really did. 

14. Pick everyone up.

15. Make leftovers for dinner. Repeat Sunday night routine. 

Congratulations! You've survived Monday!

More importantly, you've cleaned and decluttered the bathroom making it easier to soak in a bubble bath. You've also, straightened up and freshened up your living room, kept the kitchen clean, run errands and find time to take care of yourself. At the end of the day you should feel accomplished, important and rested, all things that society likes to take away from you the moment you tell them you're a house wife. 

Here's an example of one week's worth of Red Zones.

Monday-Bathroom cabinets and counters
Tuesday-Coffee Table and sofas
Wednesday-Bedroom closets
Thursday-Hall Closets and laundry rooms
Friday-Kitchen Cabinets and refrigerator

The key is to spend no more than 1 hour cleaning at a time. No More than 3 hours a day. If you're feeling really lazy, leave it for the weekend shift to handle. You're entitled to a weekend off and your family is entitled to chip in from time to time. 

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