Ask Red

Welcome to the November edition of Ask Red!


Dear Red,

Every other week at work my coworkers organize a girls' night out or some sort of potluck or event for everyone to participate in. It is optional, but I can't help feeling pressured into participating. It's not that I don't like to participate. It's that I can't afford to participate. Now one of my coworkers is treating me differently and calling me a flake. It's only a part-time job to help DH with the bills. But I feel like they want all of me. 

Signed,
Overextended

Dear Over,

It wasn't an accident that I left off the extended. In fact, you need to leave off the extended part as well. There is a reason why it's called work and not a club. Your priority is to work and earn a check. Everything else is secondary. Many of the people you work with are probably there full-time and not part-time like you. So they spend majority of their time at work. It's only natural that they want to make it like a home and bond whenever possible. But you are not spending your life there. You are helping out the love of your life, Dear Hubby. My best advice is to do your job, come home and have fun with your family. If they make you feel isolated at work tune them out. You aren't there for them. Eventually they will get on each other's nerves and admire you for not being so emotionally involved. If they come at you again, tell them that you have a life and you would like to get to it. 


Dear Red,

My 2 year old WILL NOT TAKE A NAP!!! He gets up out of the bed frequently. He screams loudly so that the neighbors will get upset and knock on the door. He knows it will distract me or make me let him get up. I wouldn't fight him on it if it wasn't for the fact that he gets so cranky without one. Not to mention the fact that he NEEDS to sleep.

Please Help
Sleepless in Sylmar


Dear Sleepless,

Your child is 2 years old. This means he is intrigued by all of the things he was missing out on while he was crawling and chewing on blankets. He wants to watch those interesting puppets on tv. He wants to figure out how to fit that square peg into that round hole. He has things to do. The last thing he wants to do is take a nap.  

Assuming that you are a stay at home mom, you should set up some sort of structure. No more than 2 hours of television, at least two books should be read to him daily, at least 2 hours of outdoor play, a set meal and snack time, and about 2 hours of exploration (this means let him play with his toys, poke a tree, lick the refrigerator door, or whatever, to discover the world around him). If you add all of this up, you have about 6 to eight hours. He will be tired and ready to take a nap about halfway through it. Also, push back his bedtime. He doesn't have to go to work in the morning, so let him stay up just a little later. Putting him to bed too early will allow him to wake up too early. Also, allowing him to sleep in means no nap. Since the weather is getting colder, try black out curtains in his room. This keeps the sun from creeping in and waking him up before he's had all 8 hours of sleep. When putting him down for a nap, make sure he's full and tired. Tell him what to expect. Toddlers don't like surprises. Tell him that he is going to eat lunch, then get a story, then go take a nap. Keep reminding him until nap time and he should go to sleep.  


If he gets up, gently usher him back to bed and tell him that it's nap time. No further conversation or indulgence. The next time, return him to bed firmly and with a firm voice tell him it is nap time. The third time or any subsequent times, return him to bed firmly, no conversation. Keep in mind that he has been getting over on you for awhile, so breaking this habit will take awhile. He will kick and scream and fall out. But don't let up. No matter how tired you are, keep doing it. You cannot break. He will eventually tire and take the nap. The next day, he will try again but right around that third attempt, he'll quit. He has now learned that no amount of screaming or fighting will thwart nap time. As far as the neighbors go, either warn them ahead of time that you are doing this or do what I did, smile and tell them to go to drink turpentine and and piss on a brush fire. They won't knock on your door anymore.



Dear Red, 

My husband is totally turned on by you. No one knows who you are or what you really look like but still he is burning up with passion at the thought of you. He wants me to dress up in red heels and lipstick before I come to bed to play out some 50's housewife fantasy. He also wants me to wear an apron when I cook and to bring him dinner when he comes home. He likes it when I sit on his lap feed him dessert. I really like your blogs and your products but I am a little creeped out by this new sexual fantasy stuff. Any ideas to tone it down?

Thanks,
Dreamlover


Dear Dreamlover,

What's the problem? Just kidding. Well, I am flattered that your hubby is turned on by an internet persona he doesn't know. However, the 1st rule of role play or sexual fantasies is that all involved parties must be comfortable. If you are uncomfortable with this fantasy then it is time to tell your husband so. He can't change if he's not aware. I must ask, what makes the fantasy so uncomfortable? Many men love the sight of a woman doing housework in lipstick and sexy heels. How far is your husband going with this fantasy? Is he asking your to spank him with a mixing spoon or propping you up on the cutting board? If you can work through your inhibitions, I say run with it. Get creative and find new ways to love each other. If it gets really steamy, write about it and sell it to your friends. If you run out of ideas, look for my erotic fiction and non-fiction anthologies available soon!