Thursday, July 30, 2015

When The Other Woman Contacts You

One of the most devastating things a wife can hear is that her husband has had or is having an affair. She has to consider breaking her vows in return by leaving or choose to stay. She wonders has he fathered children, is he leaving, does he have an STD? Her entire world can be shattered by such a revelation. Just as a woman is learning to cope with the betrayal of an affair, she may be contacted by the other woman. If you find yourself in this painful situation, here are some things to remember:

1. Let her do the talking - Understand that when the other woman decides to confront you with the affair, she is there to tell all that she believes you don't know. Let her do it. If your decision is to leave your husband, this information may be useful in a divorce. If you plan to stay you may want to know the details of the affair so that you know what to look for if you suspect it again. Listen to what she says happened just in case you learn something new about your husband he has been hiding from you. demand details. Ask for dates, times, locations, the story of how they met. Don't just question her about your husband. Question her about yourself. What does she know about you? Does she know what your children look like? Does she know what school they attend? You need to know these things in case the person confronting you is mentally unstable.

2. Abandon all trust - Remember, this woman is not your friend. She isn't confessing in order to help you. Ignorance is bliss. She is telling you because she is selfish and wants to clear her conscience. She also may want to seek revenge against your husband for ending the affair or not being truthful about his marital status to begin with. Her mission, whether or not she realizes it, is to destroy what you believe to be a happy marriage. Assume all that she says is a lie and is said with ill intent and malice. She has already proven herself to be untrustworthy by engaging in an affair with your husband. She will research your spouse and use the information she obtained to make the affair seem more involved than it actually was. She will also try to minimize her fault in the situation. Don't fall for this tactic.

3. Surrender no information - She will want to know if you knew about her. She will want to know if you and your husband are planning children or are making any other plans. She may ask if you two were separated or divorced. If this happens, she is doing two one of two things. One, she is sizing you up as competition. She wants to know if you have what it takes to take your husband back. Two, she is trying to find a way to end your marriage for sheer vengeance or to get rid of you so she can be with your husband. Don't answer questions about your marriage. Make her answer all of your questions. If she attempts to back out of answering questions, remind her that she came to you with news that she has taken part in the destruction of your marriage. Take the tone of "you owe me." If she didn't want to answer questions, she shouldn't have come to you.

4. Investigate her motive.- Just because someone tells you she's slept with your husband, doesn't make it a fact. Some women see married men as a good catch. If he's a good husband to you, he'll make a great one for her. After being turned down by your husband, she may want to come to you to find another way to get to him. Some women will go out of their way to convince you that your husband has been with them to break you apart. That leaves him available for her. Maybe she too is married and has been discovered having affairs with other men, or attempting to coax your husband into one. Either way, she is in danger of losing her husband while your husband stays happily married. She will want to even things out by destroying yours, even if it is all a lie. Remember, you cannot trust her.

5. Require proof - No woman has zero proof that she's been with a man. Somewhere she has text messages, FB messages, pics, something that can prove she's been with him. If she refuses to provide proof, you've uncovered her motive. Ask her questions only someone who's been with him would know. What size is his penis? Does he manscape? Does he have tattoos? Ask trick questions. If your spouse has no tattoos, ask what tattoo does he have on his back or stomach, some place she should have seen it. If her answer is anything other than, "he doesn't have a tattoo", she's lying. Match dates with his work schedule or bank card activity. If you catch her in a lie, do not confirm it. Remember, reveal nothing. If you let on that you've caught her in a lie, she will simply learn to tell a better lie to cause more confusion.

6. Remove her from your marriage - Regardless of her motives, her goal is to destroy your marriage. It matters not that she knew, or didn't know your husband is married. What matters is, she knows now. She has the option of completely ending the affair and never going near your husband again so that you can move on with your marriage. But instead, she chooses to tell you about it in hopes that you will leave him. So don't give her any information about your marriage. She doesn't deserve to know if you're separated, pregnant, your sex life is good or bad, or how many years you've been together. She may even ask you what you're going to do now that you know about the affair. That too is none of her business. Think about Jay-Z and Beyoncé. We all know that there was something going wrong in their marriage. But because neither person ever publically confirms or denies anything about their marriage, even when there's an elevator video, no one knows what is going on in the marriage of one of Hollywood's most public couples. Should you choose to forgive your spouse for a verified affair, the last thing you want is for everyone to know it happened in the first place. People will look down at you and assume you are a doormat. Some women will assume that because your spouse has already cheated on you, he will willing do it again with them. The world is filled with unscrupulous people. Keep your marriage private, even when it may be falling apart.

Your decision to forgive an affair or not is a personal and private one. It is not to be shared with anyone, certainly not the other woman. Remember that the other woman is the enemy no matter what lie she believes your husband told her. She is a threat to your marriage and cannot be trusted. Do not end an entire marriage on the word of an immoral person, but also, don't be blind to evidence that is being revealed right before you. Infidelity is a matter to be resolved between a husband and wife, not a wife and mistress.

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