Red Heart Awards

Here are the winning products of the Red Heart Award. 

Best Mascara - Avon Supershock in black

Best Liquid Foundation - Maybeline 24 Hour Superstay

Best Eyeshadow - Mac

Best Lipstick -  Maybeline Color Sensations

Best Lip gloss - Maybeline Color Sensations

Best Lip Liner - Maybeline Color Sensations

Best Eye Make-Up Remover - Oil of Olay

Best Mineral Powder - Avon Mineral Powder

Best Blush - Avon Mineral Blush

Best Eyeliner - Avon Dual Kohl Liner

Best Perfume - Ralph Lauren Romance

Best Body Wash - St. Ives Collection

Best Shampoo & Conditioner - Dove Intense Damage

Best Body Lotion - St. Ives Collection

Best Ladies Shaver - Shick Quattro For Women (Personal shaver)

Best Lingerie - Frederick's of Hollywood

Best Shoe Selection - Charlotte Russe

Best Eyeshado Primer - Loreal Decrease

Best Concealer - Revlon Colorstay

Best Coffee Creamer - International Foods Coffee House Creamers

Best Dish Soap - Palmolive

Ask Red

Hello Red Heads! 

The December Ask Red is late but I have a good reason. I'm expecting another baby in the new year! If anyone would like the recipe to the tea I drank to help things along feel free to ask. 




Dear Red,

My family just got a dog for Christmas and it is very quickly turning my plain off white carpet into leopard print. Please help.


Spotted
Kansas


Dear Spotted in Kansas,


Who gives a pet for Christmas anymore? Did this dog come from an inlaw who was jealous of your carpet color choice? I digress. The solution is simple. White vinegar. Take a paper towel and BLOT the urine or pick up the other stuff. DO NOT RUB. Then pour the vinegar directly over the spot and let it sit. Don't touch it. Don't step on it, nothing. Let it dry on it's own. The stain and the odor will disappear as it dries. 




Dear Red,

My oven WILL NOT come clean! My daughters insisted on helping me cook over the Thanksgiving holiday. When I wasn't looking they turned the heat up on the oven. Of course it burned the turkey but the real problem was that the stains in the oven are cooked in now. I've tried everything and nothing is working. 


Scrubbed
Bakersfield

Dear Scrubbed,


Have you tried ammonia? Get yourself a large bowl, preferrably a stained mixing bowl so you can kill two birds with one stone. Fill it halfway with the store bought ammonia. Place it on the oven rack and leave it for a full 24 hours. Be sure the oven is cold and that you don't turn the stove on. The next day take a hot scrubbing sponge and the stains should come off with ease.




Dear Red,

I am addicted to scented candles, especially the ones in the glass jars. But it is getting really expensive to buy. It seems like such a waste to throw away the jars. 


Scented
Seattle

Dear Scented,

I know how you feel. Not only do you end up throwing away some nifty jars but also you end up wasting the last little bits of candle wax down at the bottom. Here's what I do. I wash out the old jars and buy a pack of wicks from Joann's. As I burn the candles, I carefully pour out the hot wax into the other jar around the new wick. That way, when one candle is done burning I have another one with a completely new scent. You can also sanitize the jars and use them for candy, cotton balls, notions, q-tips etc. 


Dear Red,

I read your old blog from Thoughts.com and you said that you could flat iron and curl a synthetic hair wig. Do you have a video toot on this?

Sherl
Dallas

Coming in 7 days or less.   

How to Make a Cardboard Mandala

1. Start with your basic pizza box.

2. Use a pizza pan to trace a large circle on the lid. Cut out the circle.

3. Cover the pizza logo with gray paint.

4. Paint over the gray paint with the paint you want to use for your design.

5. Use the sides of the boxes to make the feather shapes or any other shapes you want. Be creative.

6. Paint the feathers. Leave room on the tips to attach them.

7. Glue on the feathers and add your finishing touches.

Here's a cute project my cousins and I used to do with the younger family members during Native American Month. 

You will need: Scissors, tape or glue, gray paint, various paint colors, brushes, oatmeal or cereal boxes, twigs, the teepee template (email me for it)




Step 1: Cut out and trace the teepee template onto the oatmeal box. Mark the lines and corners. Cut out the teepee.

Step 2: With your gray paint, paint the colored side of the cardboard. The brown side will be the inside of the teepee. You may need to remark your folding points or fold it before painting. 

Step 3: Paint your own designs onto the teepee. While it dries hunt down some small twigs if you haven't collected some already. 



Step 4: Glue or tape the twigs to inside of the teepee along the fold lines. 

Step 5: Bring the teepee together by glueing or taping the rear tabs together. Your teepee is finished!

You can tie a piece of string around he twigs of the teepee and hang it on your Christmas tree to display it past Native American Month.

Top 10 Responses To People Who Wish Indians A Happy Thanksgiving

Right about now you are being wished a Happy Thanksgiving by everyone and their cousin. Of course, there is a large amount of the population that doesn't take into consideration the Indian factor. Here are some clever responses for my fellow "red" man...all puns intended. 

"Have a happy Thanksgiving!"


10. Thanks-what?

9. Why, are your people leaving?

8. No thanks

7. You mean Thanks-Taking

6. Said the white man to the Indian

5. I'll be sure to do that as soon as I get my small pox vaccine.

4. You...sicken...me

3. And you call yourself a liberal

2. Aaw, aren't you a good little Pilgram

1. And a happy holocaust to you too

Energy Bill Savers

The heat is on...unfortunately, so is the chill factor outside your bedroom window. Right about now you are turning on the heater, space or some other type. You are also watching your utility bill skyrocket. Here are some tips to save money on your bill.

1. Enroll in a low income program. Many utility companies are like the telephone company. They allow you to claim low income and receive a lower rate. 

2. If you have PG&E enroll in the Balanced Payment Plan. In many areas, the cold season is from November through February. Luck for you, the PG&E BPP is a plan that averages your usage and allows you to pay one flat rate for the next 4 months. That means no surprises from month to month. 

3. Turn your thermostat to 68 degrees F. when you are home and turn it off when you are not. 

4. Break out grandma's blankets. Keep spare blankets near the sofas, and all the beds. When you get colder, pile them on and stay warm rather than turn up the heat. 

5. Sell your space heaters. They run up your bill and the moment you move away from them you are colder than before. They are also fire hazards. 

6. Stock up on fleece. Take your favorite blanket to your local fabric store (or take the measurements) and buy the same amount of fleece. A simple edge stitch by machine or by hand will secure the edges. When you make your bed, lay the fleece over the flat sheet, and then throw on your other blankets. 

7. Dress up. Wear thicker socks to bed along with pajama bottoms. I know that I advocate for the sexy housewife but health is more important. There are plenty of sexy pajamas that keep you warm. 

8. Drink up. If you are feeling chilly try drinking a cup of tea or hot chocolate. Bailey's Cream in a cup of coffee is also a nice treat. 

9. Black out. Black out curtains don't just keep the sun out in the summer. They also keep the cold out in the fall and winter. Be sure to check the doors and windows for drafts.

10. Take a shower. Taking a bath uses more water and leaves your body open to chills longer. Take a quick shower, set a 5 minute timer. Have your clothing ready in the bathroom or at least a bathrobe to stay warm in between. It saves water and prevents you from turning on a space heater.

Ask Red

Welcome to the November edition of Ask Red!


Dear Red,

Every other week at work my coworkers organize a girls' night out or some sort of potluck or event for everyone to participate in. It is optional, but I can't help feeling pressured into participating. It's not that I don't like to participate. It's that I can't afford to participate. Now one of my coworkers is treating me differently and calling me a flake. It's only a part-time job to help DH with the bills. But I feel like they want all of me. 

Signed,
Overextended

Dear Over,

It wasn't an accident that I left off the extended. In fact, you need to leave off the extended part as well. There is a reason why it's called work and not a club. Your priority is to work and earn a check. Everything else is secondary. Many of the people you work with are probably there full-time and not part-time like you. So they spend majority of their time at work. It's only natural that they want to make it like a home and bond whenever possible. But you are not spending your life there. You are helping out the love of your life, Dear Hubby. My best advice is to do your job, come home and have fun with your family. If they make you feel isolated at work tune them out. You aren't there for them. Eventually they will get on each other's nerves and admire you for not being so emotionally involved. If they come at you again, tell them that you have a life and you would like to get to it. 


Dear Red,

My 2 year old WILL NOT TAKE A NAP!!! He gets up out of the bed frequently. He screams loudly so that the neighbors will get upset and knock on the door. He knows it will distract me or make me let him get up. I wouldn't fight him on it if it wasn't for the fact that he gets so cranky without one. Not to mention the fact that he NEEDS to sleep.

Please Help
Sleepless in Sylmar


Dear Sleepless,

Your child is 2 years old. This means he is intrigued by all of the things he was missing out on while he was crawling and chewing on blankets. He wants to watch those interesting puppets on tv. He wants to figure out how to fit that square peg into that round hole. He has things to do. The last thing he wants to do is take a nap.  

Assuming that you are a stay at home mom, you should set up some sort of structure. No more than 2 hours of television, at least two books should be read to him daily, at least 2 hours of outdoor play, a set meal and snack time, and about 2 hours of exploration (this means let him play with his toys, poke a tree, lick the refrigerator door, or whatever, to discover the world around him). If you add all of this up, you have about 6 to eight hours. He will be tired and ready to take a nap about halfway through it. Also, push back his bedtime. He doesn't have to go to work in the morning, so let him stay up just a little later. Putting him to bed too early will allow him to wake up too early. Also, allowing him to sleep in means no nap. Since the weather is getting colder, try black out curtains in his room. This keeps the sun from creeping in and waking him up before he's had all 8 hours of sleep. When putting him down for a nap, make sure he's full and tired. Tell him what to expect. Toddlers don't like surprises. Tell him that he is going to eat lunch, then get a story, then go take a nap. Keep reminding him until nap time and he should go to sleep.  


If he gets up, gently usher him back to bed and tell him that it's nap time. No further conversation or indulgence. The next time, return him to bed firmly and with a firm voice tell him it is nap time. The third time or any subsequent times, return him to bed firmly, no conversation. Keep in mind that he has been getting over on you for awhile, so breaking this habit will take awhile. He will kick and scream and fall out. But don't let up. No matter how tired you are, keep doing it. You cannot break. He will eventually tire and take the nap. The next day, he will try again but right around that third attempt, he'll quit. He has now learned that no amount of screaming or fighting will thwart nap time. As far as the neighbors go, either warn them ahead of time that you are doing this or do what I did, smile and tell them to go to drink turpentine and and piss on a brush fire. They won't knock on your door anymore.



Dear Red, 

My husband is totally turned on by you. No one knows who you are or what you really look like but still he is burning up with passion at the thought of you. He wants me to dress up in red heels and lipstick before I come to bed to play out some 50's housewife fantasy. He also wants me to wear an apron when I cook and to bring him dinner when he comes home. He likes it when I sit on his lap feed him dessert. I really like your blogs and your products but I am a little creeped out by this new sexual fantasy stuff. Any ideas to tone it down?

Thanks,
Dreamlover


Dear Dreamlover,

What's the problem? Just kidding. Well, I am flattered that your hubby is turned on by an internet persona he doesn't know. However, the 1st rule of role play or sexual fantasies is that all involved parties must be comfortable. If you are uncomfortable with this fantasy then it is time to tell your husband so. He can't change if he's not aware. I must ask, what makes the fantasy so uncomfortable? Many men love the sight of a woman doing housework in lipstick and sexy heels. How far is your husband going with this fantasy? Is he asking your to spank him with a mixing spoon or propping you up on the cutting board? If you can work through your inhibitions, I say run with it. Get creative and find new ways to love each other. If it gets really steamy, write about it and sell it to your friends. If you run out of ideas, look for my erotic fiction and non-fiction anthologies available soon! 

Creole Creations Ebook

 












The Creole Creations E-Cookbook is now available for purchase. Check it out exclusively at Rain Tree Boutique. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33867254

It's available for a limited time only!

Hardcover version coming soon!

A Survival Guide to Mondays

Hello again, my gorgeous housewives!

I received several emails about how to survive a Mundane Monday. Some of you have issues with the image of being lazy. People already believe housewives are lazy thanks to the invention of soap operas they don't need to see an unkempt home to validate their stereotypes. Let's face it ladies, what you do, no man could do with the same level of grace and electricity as you maintain. It's a job, a full time job with no benefits. It's time to start behaving like the self-employed woman that you are. 

Here's a sample itinerary to help you survive this coming Manic Monday. 

Sunday Night
(I know what you're thinking, "Sunday night?? How many things do I need to do tomorrow??" Relax, this is only a prep that will make your day run smoother and give you a happy start to your week.)

1. Choose an hour to shutdown your kitchen and stick to it. No more snacks and more importantly, no more messes. Once the kitchen is closed do the dishes and make sure your kitchen sink is empty and clean. This is very important for your mental well being on Monday. Imagine waking up and finding the dishes are already done. One less thing to do. 



2. Lay out a Girl Next Door outfit for tomorrow. Choose something that doesn't require you to comb your hair or shave. BUT you must look nice in it. No sweats or moo-moos. Whatever you choose, wear it with pumps. Trust me, it makes a difference. 

3. Grab a box and clear off your bathroom counter. Remove everything but the soap, toothbrushes, and toothpaste.

4. Set out the following on the counter: EITHER foundation OR Powder along with something to apply it with, Mascara, Lip Gloss, Earrings, and EITHER a watch OR a bracelet. 

Now you're ready for Monday. 

Monday

1. Don't hit the snooze. Get right up and make your bed right away, as if you MUST get to work on time. 

2. After your morning pee, brush your teeth and wash your face. Put on your make-up and jewelry and pull your hair into a pony tail or leave it down. Those are your only options. (No exceptions, regardless of hair length. No curling or flat irons)

3. Relinquish the bathroom and get dressed down to the heels.

4. Make hot or cold cereal and toast for your family's breakfast. The key here is, leave the stove off.


5. Either, dress your children and place them in front of the t.v. while you have coffee, OR, Let them dress themselves while you have your coffee. But have your coffee (or tea).

6. Kick everyone out. Drop them off if you have to. This would be the time to run your errands. 

7. Take a 15 minute break. (Talk on the phone, check Facebook, whatever)


8. Scrub the bathroom toilet, sink and tub. 

9. Lunch break (1 full hour) no cheating!


10. Clean up the dishes, put away the clean ones.

11. Remember that bathroom box? Take all of the make-up out and put it into a smaller container and put it under the sink. Throw away expired make-up and medicines. Put everything where it belongs or throw it away. 


12. Take that same box and clear off the coffee table and sofas into that box.  (You now know what your Red Zone is for tomorrow)

13. Sprinkle your carpets with the most fragrant carpet fresh around and vaccum the living room. Doing this during the second half of the day leaves visitors with the impression that you did more cleaning than your really did. 



14. Pick everyone up.

15. Make leftovers for dinner. Repeat Sunday night routine. 




Congratulations! You've survived Monday!


More importantly, you've cleaned and decluttered the bathroom making it easier to soak in a bubble bath. You've also, straightened up and freshened up your living room, kept the kitchen clean, run errands and find time to take care of yourself. At the end of the day you should feel accomplished, important and rested, all things that society likes to take away from you the moment you tell them you're a house wife. 


Here's an example of one week's worth of Red Zones.

Monday-Bathroom cabinets and counters
Tuesday-Coffee Table and sofas
Wednesday-Bedroom closets
Thursday-Hall Closets and laundry rooms
Friday-Kitchen Cabinets and refrigerator

The key is to spend no more than 1 hour cleaning at a time. No More than 3 hours a day. If you're feeling really lazy, leave it for the weekend shift to handle. You're entitled to a weekend off and your family is entitled to chip in from time to time. 

Paranormal Activity (Spoiler Alert!!!)

The Synopsis of the film is this: a woman named Katie (Katie Featherston) has been followed by a demon since she was eight-years-old. When she moves in with her long term boyfriend, Micah (Micah Sloat), the demon gets jealous and starts throwing regular temper tantrums that escalate in response to the boyfriend’s egotistical demonstration of "quien es mas macho."

Throughout the entire film the audience is kept waiting for something fantastic to happen. Instead, we are forced to succumb to 86 minutes of rap-tap-tapping on the hardwood floors and shaky video footage. Like every good horror movie it begins when the characters ignore the sound advice of the psychic who tells them not to try to communicate with the spirits. But it wouldn't be a horror movie if they'd actually listened. Night after night the relationship between the two characters begins to deteriorate almost as quickly as the audience's attention span. It isn't until the last ten minutes of the film that something tangible actually begins to happen.

After spending more than an hour trying to figure out what, if anything, in this film made those people in the commercials jump out of their chairs with fear, you finally get your answer at the end of the movie. You'll clench your seat or honey bunny waiting to see something, anything, emerge from the darkness of the stairway. And suddenly, a body, thrown right into your face. Anyone who says they didn't jump out of their skin when this happened is a total liar. They are just as bad as the misleading commercials that leave you with the impression that this is real footage, terrifying images of ghosts, and that this is something that will have you screaming long after Halloween. None of this happens.

What does happen is the terror of the "what if factor." You wonder, "What if this really happened to me? What would I do?" If you remember the Nightmare on Elm Street film series, you'll also remember that the films were never truly scary or innovative with special effects. What hooked you in was the idea that you were powerless against someone who could invade your dreams and kill you. The same is true about Paranormal Activity. It will leave you disappointed in general, but once you go to bed at night you will find yourself sleeping next to the wall or making sure your foot doesn't hang out of the bed for fear of being dragged down the hallway by a demon just as Katie was in the movie.

In fact, the only people who will get their money's worth are those who have truly experienced the paranormal at some point in their lives. This will bring back the reality of that nightmare for you. When the demon drags the sheets off of Katie and drags her all over the house you won't be able to settle your stomach. In fact, I would skip out on the nachos and hot dogs at the concession stand. You may feel queasy from the unsteady camera angles or your personal fear of the paranormal. I must take note of the fact that the unsteady, Blair Witch camera effects seem to stabilize as the movie nears the end. It's as if the filmmakers wanted to make sure you were paying attention then. If the paranormal is real to you, if you don't need horror effects to be frightened, this movie is the scariest movie you will have seen to date. Otherwise, save your money and wait on one of the up and coming horror movies.

Red's Blood Rating: 2 out of 5 stars - Misleading advertising, poor storyline, poor special effects, still worth watching for some and owning on DVD.

Maybeline 24 Hour Superstay Review

Hello Everyone!

So here's another beauty product review for you. Today it's Maybeline Superstay 24 hour make-up. 

It claims: 24 hour wear, no transfer, Withstands heat, sweat and humidity, suitable for all skin types, won't clog pores. 

In reality: It wears for 24 hours, It transfers VERY easily, will withstand heat, sweat and humidity if you don't touch your face. 


Details: I wore the medium shade to an office for 9 hours (lunch included). It went on smoothly and covered better than MAC. It gave full coverage without being as thick as MAC or Revlon. It smells better than both. Normally by noon I have a strange breakout attempting to form on my face. With this foundation I never saw a change in my skin's texture. After accidentally falling asleep with the foundation on I found that I never had blackheads or clogged pores. Immediately after the foundation was set, I touched my face and touched my hand to a white piece of paper. There was nothing. I drove to the office and sat at my desk. I did the white paper test again. There was a slight transfer. I was also warmer. The true test was lunch time. With the exception of my naturally oily skin, I looked flawless. There were no streaks or smudges. It was set but shiny. I used a Kleenex to dab away the oil. The Kleenex was covered with foundation. 

The next day I applied powder over the foundation. I was left with the flawless airbrushed look. More importantly, It was a naturally flawless look. I appeared to be "born with it". The powder seemed to set the foundation. 



Verdict: I recommend this product over MAC and Revlon. It seems to do less damage to the skin and stays put for 24 hours as it claims. But it isn't transfer free. I would recommend setting with powder or switching to Revlon for oily skin types.

Creole Creations

A special thanks to everyone who submitted their favorite Creole and Cajun recipes for the Creole Creations cookbook!

I received over 2,000 submittions and had a hard time narrowing them down. Still the best of the best were chosen and have been included in the 1st Red Housewife official cookbook. 

The winners are:

Jessyca Haynes     South Carolina
Lucy Archuleta      Nevada
Samantha Briggs   Alabama
SonyGal79            Illinois
Connie G.             Oklahoma
Mary Greathouse   Colorado
L8One                  Oakland, Ca
Beverly Cole         Los Angeles, Ca
Leticia Wilks         New York
Chimika Gordon   Georgia
Keisha Britton      Mississippi
Gina Jackson       Tennessee 

I had loads of fun following your recipes and testing them on my friends and family. Check your mailboxes. Your free hard copies are on their way! 

Everyone else may purchase an E-Copy of Creole Creations in just a few days. Just in time for the holidays! 

Ask Red

What better way to kick off my new blog site than to open up the Red Mailbox and answer some of your questions? Here's this week's dose of Ask Red. 

Remember...Red lips pucker but never part. 

Dear Red,

My boss is really pushing my buttons. First let me say that I am a full figured Black woman. I am a DD cup and of course I have a ghetto booty. I work at a bank, which shall remain nameless, and we have a professional dress code. The problem is that the dress code is not formal nor is it readily accessible. I wear suits and dresses. But I live in hot ass L.A. I don't always wear pantyhose with my peek-a-boo toe shoes. When I wear a blouse, it wears me. My cleavage refuses to be hidden and even in a nun's habit I would look too sexy. I'm curvy, I can't help it. My boss is always on me to wear longer dresses and pantyhose. Everyone else here is a size 5 JUNIORS. I am too big to shop where they shop and too small for Lane Bryant. I am moments away from slapping the crap out of my boss if she says one more thing about my outfit. Please help.

Juicy Fruit

Los Angeles, Ca

Well Juicy,

Let me begin by saying, be proud of those curves. Love them like they're here on loan. Don't let the other size fives at work get you down. You are what we call the Tweener. This is not to be confused with the pre-teen. In order for a Tweener to dress professionally in accordance with the standards of Non-Tweeners, she must either squeeeeze into something that is just a little too small or swim around in something that is clearly to large. Either circumstance is not favorable. 

I do wonder if your boss is a petite, shapeless, curvemonger or a just-50-more-lbs -and-everyone-will-love-me-again...er. 

Experience has taught me that a boss is not a flawless individual. In theory they cannot treat you any differently due to any number of discriminatory reasons. But they are human and they will. In your case your manager may be jealous and is therefore constantly micromanaging your wardrobe.  Just in case, take the mirror test. When you put on a dress or a top, mimic your everyday movements at work to see where your "short comings" are. If you notice you have cleavage from here to Delaware, be prepared to pin or cover the top. If your dress or skirt has a mind of it's own and crawls up your thighs when you walk like a pervert's fingers, consider a larger size or releasing the hem. As for the pantyhose, there's no way around that. 

If you have secured your assets in the most professional way imaginable, then the issue truly is your boss and/or co-workers. The solution? The next time your boss says something about you being "sexy" or curvy say this, "The amount of attention you pay to my body and my figure is making me really uncomfortable. I am starting to feel harassed." She will not bother you again. 

Dear Red,

I have recently returned home due to downsizing. My husband and I don't have children and have never been very traditional. Now he expects to come home and find me beading, wearing a prairie skirt and turquoise jewelry. He wants dinner (usually frybread) and he wants the house to be spotless. I am a modern Dine' woman. I don't know how to bead nor do I like the greasy mess of frybread. I like to watch t.v., go shopping, cook healthy light meals, and write poetry. The other day he told me he was going to start giving me an allowance so that I could buy the materials I needed for "cultural activities". What am I a wayward teenager?!!

Sincerely,

Not Me

Dear Not Me,

Use your allowance to hire a maid. Go to RainTreeBoutique.etsy.com or any other Native American goods site, and buy a pair of moccasins and some jewelry to match. Place them on the bed where you usually lay. Invite your mother in law over to cook Frybread tacos for your husband. Then dress to kill, and wait for your husband to come home. When he does, grab your purse and go out for a shopping trip and a couple of cosmos. He will ask where you're going. Tell him, "Your house is clean, your frybread is on the stove and your beads and moccasins are on the bed. Since NONE of that has ANYTHING to do with me or who I am , I'm going out." The next day, cook what you want to cook, wear what you want to wear, and clean what you have time to clean. If he know's what's good for him...he won't say a word. 

If you have a question you want me to answer send an email with Ask Red in the subject to: TheRedHousewife@yahoo.com 

NO SPAM PLEASE!!!