Sunday, December 5, 2010

5 Gifts That Say "I Love You" & "I'm Sorry"

So you've confessed to her that you were wrong and have thus forever accepted the title of Jackass. Still, she looks at you like the stuff she stepped in while climbing out of her car. There is one last thing you can try to do to make the holidays happier. You can buy a gift that says more than you can because you'll just put your foot in your mouth anyway.


So you dipped your stick in someone else's oil. You're a very lucky Jackass to still have your queen. Honestly, she is probably waiting just to see what you bought her for Christmas. So you'd better make it count.

Try this key necklace, or any piece of jewelry with the key as the main piece. The key says, " Only you have the key to my heart." Which is contrary to the impression you left her with after sharing your twig and berries with the other fair maidens in your town. It helps to make the whole, " She meant nothing to me" speech sound that much more believable. Make sure it is real gold and and real diamonds or nothing you have to say will matter.

"I've seen better"

Your Lovely Dove asked you if she looked fat and you answered, "yes" faster than she could finish her sentence. Or maybe you stared too long at that young tramp that sauntered passed the two of you that night. You may have even failed to compliment her new look or insulted it by saying that you'd seen better.

You are such a jackass.

Try giving her something that no one else is thinking about giving this Christmas. Give her a vanity table with a mirror and seat. Make sure it matches the furniture. Have it already assembled with her fragrances and makeup on the table. The great thing about this is that you will have your bathroom counter back all the while making her feel more beautiful than your idiotic words made her feel in the first place.

"All you women are the same"

So you made an unflattering comparison of your wife to another woman. You've left her feeling inferior or worse yet, boring. You've told her that she's just like the rest of the women in your life although she's the only one who cooks, cleans, tolerates you, and does that special thing in bed that you like so much.

Way to go jackass.

Here something to make her feel more unique and very special to you. Women love butterflies. They also love diamonds. But chances are, none of the other women in your life or hers has them both assembled together on one necklace made of chocolate diamonds. Don't buy a gift for any other woman on your list this year. You mucked up so you clean it up. Make her feel special.

" Was that today?"

So you forgot her birthday, your anniversary, the baby's due date, etc.

Yep, you guessed it! You're a jackass.

You need something that says, "Honey, I am bad with dates but I am good with remembering what you do for me." A Pandora bracelet is perfect because it shows that you were paying attention. It's jewelry, and we all know how women love that. It's new, so she can show off to the rest of the mom's at the PTA. The charms are personally selected which accomplishes a couple of things. The charms you choose shows that you remembered the events, not the dates. It shows that you took the time to carefully plan out what you were buying her this Christmas. It also says that you're romantic because she will always be able to look down at it and remember what she means to you.

Now that you have a starting list of ideas, run out and go shopping for your Little Mrs. Do your best not to create another jackass moment you'll never live down in the process.

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