Rule of Five Part I

I can only begin to tell you how many emails, phone calls and letters I receive from disheartened housewives. Many of them are about their husbands but the majority are about how disappointed they are in the outcome of their lives. It can be a heartbreaking reality for many who planned on being bigger than life by the time they were married with children. Some housewives are becoming alcoholics as a way to cope with their own perceived failures. Even more housewives are severely depressed.

If you are one of these housewives, you are not alone. Before you count your life as a loss take some time to re-evaluate your situation. If you participated in the Martin Luther King Jr Day journal activity, now would be a good time to begin writing if you haven't already. Start by writing a couple pages using the Rule of Five.

Rule of Five: Self Reflection

• 5 years ago I wanted to be...
• Since then I have done the following to achieve that goal...
• Since then I have done the following that has prevented me from reaching that goal...
• As a result of my actions or lack of actions I am now...
• 5 years from now I want to be...

This reflection will help you remember where you were going and help you get a grip on where you really are. By taking note of what you've done you may notice that you really are on track. You may notice that you are only a few steps away from completing that goal and have simply lost sight of your progress. This reflection may also help you realize what you've done to sabotage your own success. It is important to be honest with yourself as you write about these five points. Being honest with yourself about what you have done to sabotage your goals might reveal the reasons for the sabotage. Maybe you are afraid of succeeding in your goals. It is equally important to acknowledge how your actions, good or bad, have brought you to where you are today. Life doesn't just happen to us. If you can accept this then you can sooner take control of your life.


Rule of Five: Progression

• Is your new goal realistic? For example, if you want to be a ballerina by 30 and you're 28, you may want to find a more realistic goal. By setting an unattainable goal you are deliberately sabotaging your success. You can't fail if you can't reach the goal in the first place.
  
• What must be done to reach your goals? I say "must" because this entails all of the things required to reach this goal whether or not you're willing. Honesty is important here as in all of these bullet points.
  
• What must change in your way of life to make this dream a reality? This question is perhaps the most frightening. Some wives find that the thing that must change is their marital status or the person to whom they are married. No matter how disturbing, be honest about what has to change in your life.
  
• Are you willing to make the necessary changes and take the necessary steps to change your life? Now that you know what it takes to be where you want in life, are you willing to take the steps? Again, be honest. If not then go back to step one with a new goal.
  
• What will it take to remain focused? Do you need a new network of friends? A new address?

Life can be overwhelming when you are focused on the journey and not your destinations. Take a time out to re-evaluate and redirect as often as you deem necessary. Keep your focus on your goals and all of the other stuff around you becomes smaller and smaller.

Write to Red at Theredhousewife@yahoo.com